The Cuckoo’s Calling

I was going to participate in the Cannonball Read over at Pajiba, but after reading 7 books, the thought of writing reviews for each one was a little daunting... So, I am going to put the reviews up here instead. Sound fair?

This book is a fairly straightforward private detective story. As it is the first appearance of these characters, there are significant portions of the book devoted to backstory and establishing the rules of this particular version of modern England. The mystery is fairly straightforward: a supermodel has fallen from her balcony in the middle of a snowy night. The police have determined that she committed suicide, but her brother is not convinced and hires a private detective, Cormoran Strike to find the truth. As Strike and his temporary secretary go about working this case, we are introduced to who these characters are and what drives them. The mystery itself unfolds in bits and pieces, with the author doing an excellent job of parceling out clues.

As with any private detective story, The Cuckoo’s Calling’s success or failure is going to hinge on the main character. Cormoran Strike and his secretary Robin Ellacott are both compelling characters who feel fully drawn, even when they are conforming to the demands of the genre. Strike is a loner, nursing a recent break-up, while Robin is almost too good to be true in her role as the innocent temporary secretary who ends up providing valuable assistance to Strike. Books like this expose the difficulty of writing in a genre: staying true to the form, but making the characters feel natural, rather than just a type.

It really isn’t possible to write about this book without talking about the author. This was originally published under the name of Robert Galbraith, which is of course a pseudonym for J. K. Rowling. The authorship question certainly brought more attention to this book, but it is a successful private eye novel, no matter who wrote it. There are elements of her style on display here, but this book shows her obvious affection for the field. 

Mid-Life Crisis

So according to a recent survey, 30% of men and 21% of women are going to deal with their mid-life crisis by purchasing a car. Most men would buy a sports car (duh) and women would buy an SUV. That is interesting... I would love to buy a car to make me feel better about the choices I've made over the years... I would probably go with a Porsche Boxter:

The wind whipping by... the insurance $$$$$ just flying out the window... good times.

The sad reality is that based on many of those aforementioned choices, I could only really afford this:

Look out ladies...

Definitive....

Look, I understand that marketing in today's world is hard. It always bugs me when people just say stupid things in their promotional material though. It isn't hard to be excited about something, without being a moron....

What's irritated me enough to post something? Well, Van Halen is releasing a live cd soon... They are calling it their 'definitive' live performance. Really? Call it whatever you want, but when I think definitive Van Halen live performance with David Lee Roth, I think this:



Not this:



Remember, words are important... I think I may have said that before, somewhere.

Amber Waves of Grain

So one of the more recent food trends is the demonization of gluten. Which is nothing more than a huge pile of bullshit for over 95% of the world's population. In fact, a recent study suggested that the number of people who actually need to avoid gluten is even lower than that. The rash of 'gluten-free' products is just another example of the monstrous stupidity of the average American. I don't think you'll see a big no gluten push in Europe, where breads are usually fresh and delicious, or in the third world, where they just need something to eat. But is this stupidity enough to make me write today? Not really, it is all about new products that are starting to hit the market: gluten-free pet foods.

Really people? Why is this a thing? I get that you might want food for your pets that is less processed, or fresher, but if you think that putting your pets on a gluten-free diet is doing them any real good please do me a favor and have a healthy mug of STFU.

The Hero of the Week...

This week is Olivia Wilde. She took one for the team by angering millions of Beiber fans by telling him to put a fucking shirt on. That was akin to a celebrity fatwa on the Beiber's cool factor. You wouldn't think that fulfilling the basic requirements to get into a 7-11 would be a controversial stance, but apparently it was. Thanks Olivia, hopefully you don't get shanked on the red carpet shilling that shitty new movie you're in.

Go Ask Alice...

So I was browsing the interwebz and ran across this picture... I'm not sure if I have any snarky comment or whatever... just that there must be something in the water there in the UK where they keep cranking out these busty models. It is a vital service for which I thank them...

JLH...

Apparently Jennifer Love Hewitt had a rare moment of self-awareness last week when she talked about how she needs to insure her only marketable asset, her chest. My question is really what are they being insured for? Acid attacks? Disfiguring plagues? Unsightly sagging? All I know is that at this point we're only a Lifetime cancellation away from JLH going Halle Berry and leveraging her tits into some sort of bad movie cameo. Which, quite frankly, I can get behind... but then again, I am a pig.

Ewww....

So I read this on the AVClub website today:

Andrew W.K. may occasionally have a bloody face and a sweaty body but, if one of his new corporate partners is to be believed, he absolutely never has a dirty crotch. The king of partying has partnered with Playtex’s new Fresh + Sexy Wipes, which W.K. says are “specially designed to help couples feel confidently clean, before and after they engage in sexual activity!” And who better to promote the hygienic exchange of intimate bodily fluids than Andrew W.K., since Terrence Howard must not have been available?

W.K. is apparently so serious about keeping your genitals clean that he’ll even headline The Fresh + Sexy Black Booth Confessional Party at SXSW where he’ll be doling out free samples and inviting hot, sweaty, drunk patrons into a "confession booth." There they'll get all hot and heavy and dish “stories about those exciting and spontaneous moments where they could have used Fresh + Sexy Wipes,” such as the time they crammed into a tiny booth with Andrew W.K. at a SXSW party.

 I can appreciate that Playtex has found a new market to try and exploit, but damn this is a disgusting way to do it.

Go the Hell Away!

I was reading today that Casey Anthony was in court talking about why she's in bankruptcy. She has about $1000 in assets and owes somewhere around $750,000. That's so sad, in fact that makes me so sad that I might just want to murder a child, except I'm not a narcissistic asshole who murders children when they cramp their style.

Maybe she should just shut the hell up and go away before the Karma figures out she's not rotting in jail and Zeus strikes her down to Hel so she can rot with all of the demons. Yes, I know these are all from separate mythologies, but guess what? Everyone hates that murdering bitch, so everyone wants to play.

Stop. Just Stop.

So I'm a little late on this topic, but I am never one to pass up a good bikini picture so here it is...

I have about had it with people talking about how Kate Upton is fat, or that she is making it okay for 'curvy' models or any of that other bullshit. She is about making it okay for a bikini model to have big boobs and that's about it. She is not curvy, she actually has no hips at all. She isn't so skinny her ribs stick out but I'd guess that she's probably a size above 0 which makes her huge in that business but if you saw her in person you'd probably say "Hey, who's the skinny girl with big tits?" Anyway, so I guess my point is, enough with how she's an inspiration or the devil or whatever. She's a bikini model, she hasn't cured Autism or anything so let's give it a rest.