I Hate Michael Scott....

Trying to get back into the swing of things....

1. Steve Carell has decided to leave The Office after this upcoming season. I have never liked his character on that show. It always felt like he was trying too hard. In the beginning it was awkward and uncomfortable, but as the show 'progressed' he became unwatchable. At least Dwight was funny.... until a couple of years ago. The show has been decidedly bad for years now, but it is the only show on NBC that gets ratings, so you know the network is going to keep its corpse on display for at least two or three more years. Good for Steve to get out before the network engages in a creative Weekend at Bernie's with his show and character like they have done for Jay Leno.

2. Speaking of unwatchable... Jay Leno's ratings have been lower than Conan's were. HA! The least talented, least funny host in late night is getting what he deserves. Not really, if there were any justice in the world, Jay's garage would explode, his wife would leave him and reveal his fish fetish to the world, and he would be reduced to scouring the newspapers of the world for joke headlines for shut-ins who don't know any better.

3. The Bachelor and his television girlfriend broke up.... does anyone really give a fuck? Now she's trying to guilt Playboy into taking pictures of her naked. Really? I'll tell you what Hef, if you promise to keep her fugly ass out of your magazine, I'll actually subscribe. On a side note, if you go on a television dating show, you automatically lose any ability to call the other person an attention whore. Them's just the rules. Venereal or whatever your name is, take your gay ex-boyfriend and go the hell away.

4. So did Gary Coleman's ex-wife really kill the little bastard?

5. So many people are prefacing the news of Megan Fox's wedding with some sort of mocking 'she's off of the market' crack. Was she ever on the market? I know that Brian Austin Greene is a douche bag, but hey, he locked that shit down early, good for him. You just know that Ian Ziering is out there combing the Greyhound stations like that old Poison video....

6. If I hear another 'expert' or 'insider' report on LeBron James, I might just up and stab someone... Seriously, does anyone really give a shit about where an entitled, spoiled millionaire is going to go and quit during another playoff run?

7. I love Ice-T... but can I paypal him some money to keep his wife's junk off of my internet? At least for a few days? It would totally be worth it.

8. Apparently Al Gore likes the happy ending.... which might be a bit inconvenient for any future political causes he'd like to champion.... but, what the hell, I'm intrigued by his ideas, in fact I might just want his newsletter....

9. Tiger's soon to be ex-wife is going to get upwards of $750 million. Good for her. I know one thing though, I've been into a lot of crappy diners in my life and I've never seen one waitress in any Perkins, Denny's, or iHop that is worth $750 million. That's just me though, I have taste and class....

10. The picture used above was done to commemorate the anniversary of Michael Jackson's death... I'm waiting for the one where Satan is sodomizing his drugged ass while he is burning in a pit of fire. About this one though, who knew dying made you black? Food for thought....

Only Two Ways This Can Go....

This will either blind the audience with its awesomeness.... or be so mesmerizingly shitty that it will make Showgirls look like an Academy Award winning character study. There will be no middle ground. Either way, I'm there...

Line for the iPhone....

I'll admit it: I don't understand the allure of standing in line for a phone, computer, or gadget that is sure to be riddled with problems. But there are plenty of dorks out there that do, so whatever. All I know is that there is some controversy over Jason Bateman being pulled out of line and ushered into the store to purchase his new iPhone away from the unwashed masses. Whatever. Apparently he was in line for over 5 hours, minding his own business and an employee recognized him and brought him in. Why the hell not? If Bateman had pulled the "Don't you know who I am?" routine people would be killing him. Instead, he sat in line and waited. Like any of these other dorks wouldn't have gone in if they were invited.... Losers. I think that they're mostly pissed that they bought a shitty phone on the worst cellular service in America...

Love the Picture....

I'm not sure why, but I love this picture.... It makes me giggle.

Where's She/He Taping It?

Everyone's favorite Pre-Operative Transsexual went to the BET Awards this weekend. Good for it. My big question is what exactly is she wearing and how long afterwards did it take her to fire the person responsible?

Howyoudoin'?

Hey Joey, loaded much? Knowing Joey though, he isn't drunk, he's coming off of a big sandwich bender.... Drowning his professional sorrows in prosciutto and cheese. I don't know what's sadder, that Joey Tribiani looks that damn old, or that he's that loaded, and old. I don't feel sorry for him though. It's not like he's going to run out of money anytime soon, he'll just bloat up and get gigs as Santa Clause at the local mall.

And Aloha Means Goodbye....

So I just got back from vacation..... so sad. We spent a week in Hawaii and now I just want to go back. Too bad for me, but possibly good for you, the reader. I will pick up the posting pace. I took this picture the first night we were in Hawaii.... I just love to look at it.

I Hope This isn't the Arrested Development Movie

At least Jason Bateman isn't kissing dudes here... Funny moments, but I'm kinda meh on this.

I'm not one to pile on, but....

Damn.... The important thing to remember here is that Lindsay is not yet 24 years old. And she has the puffy, liver-failure face of Jimmy Page. I think that the Lohan pick is going to win the pool for someone this year.... I've just got a feeling.

Who is January Jones?

And why did those three cars get in her way last night? Obviously they missed the memo that she was going to be driving..... Luckily Bobby Flay was there to save the day. I wonder what his wife had to say about that?

Interesting...

Reason #15745 Why the Rest of the Civilized World Hates Us...

Here is a brief description of a new show being produced by MTV:

Shot in documentary format, the show follows the Electric Barbarellas as they shop their demo tape around in the hopes of landing a record deal. The group is led by a singer-songwriter named Claudia, who is described by a source as a "female Diddy" that tried out roughly 700 girls before deciding on the five in addition to herself that make up the band. Sources said to think of the group as a cross between the Pussycat Dolls and Spice Girls, except raunchier and not as musically gifted, if that's possible.

Oh, it is possible to be raunchier and less talented than the Pussycat Dolls and the Spice Girls, but why the hell would anyone want to watch it? Executives like to complain about the erosion of the television audience, but when they put this shit out there, can anyone blame the public for not watching it?

And the Universe Thanks Her

Kim Cattral has gone on record that now that she is over 50 she will no longer be photographed/filmed in the nude. I'll just say thanks Kim, we don't need to see that dusty old cooter again. Now if she could just talk to Sharon Stone....

And hell no, there was never going to be a photograph to go with this post...

Screw You....

I think that this is Brooke Shields' new approach to life. I'll be the first to admit that I've never been a big fan of Brooke's. She always struck me as pretty blah, just another empty skin that needs words and ideas from others to function, a perception that reading Andre Agassi's book didn't help.

This has slowly started to change for me though.... Brooke recently decided that she was going to buck the traditional Hollywood mindset and become an advocate for wearing fur. She even went to Denmark and designed her own fur coat. Good for her,I'm about sick of PETA and their propaganda machine. I don't know if I'd ever wear a fur coat, not being a female, nor being, you know..... European, but I love the fact that she just doesn't give a damn.

I'll show my support by going out and eating an animal tomorrow....

Oh, the Humanity....

Browsing the web, trying to dull the pain of the curse of the Golden Girls and I find that it is apparently open season on celebrity marriages. Well, actually I guess we would have to work on our definition of celebrity, but you get the idea. First I read that Al and Tipper Gore were splitting up, and then I heard the news that Zack from Saved by the Bell and his wife were divorcing. The capper to this rash of celebrity separation is of course the idea that Heidi McPlasticbitch left that lunatic Spencer. He is pictured above from the past couple of days coming to grips with his ample gayness....

I guess there is really no point to this post other than to wonder, if the shallow and vacuous cannot keep their marriages together, what hope do the rest of us have?

The Care Bear Picked the Wrong Golden Girl

I knew one of them was outta here this year, I just didn't think it would be the "sexy" one. That is the most disgusting sentence I've ever written. I think I should stop writing in English just for that offense. The idea that Rue whateverthefuckhernameis was somehow a sexpot was ludicrous at the time and is vomit inducing now. I am not joking in the least that in even in her prime, she'd take a back seat to Betty White today, if Betty could leave her facebook contingent at home. Well, Ms. Regretful is no longer with us and CB is just biding his time....

Homer's Hot 10 - #1 Sofia Vergara

I posted up Sofia before, in relation to her new television show, Modern Family. She was originally a model whose nickname was Sofia Viagra, which I cannot really dispute. There was a scene in one of the later episodes of Modern Family that really sums up Ms. Vergara, it was when Sofia's character was getting out of the water and Phil asks his wife if she is moving in slow motion or if his brain is just doing that to him... I could relate.

So there you go, is the list perfect? Of course not, but isn't that what makes the world go 'round?

Happy Memorial Day

My brother-in-law and I just spent 10 weeks watching The Pacific on HBO. It was horrifying.... The horrors that the show inflicted on its viewers can only suggest how brutal it must have been for those men enduring it. I can only tip my cap and thank those who have served in the armed forces and have allowed me to sit here on my couch watching television on a beautiful Monday afternoon.

Books

So I haven't read much lately, which is unusual for me. I have read a few books recently that I wanted to comment about though, so here goes:

1. The Chicago Way - was a book written by Michael Harvey, who was the creator and executive producer of A&E's Cold Case Files. After eight or nine years of non-stop production of that show he decided to change gears. He had started a novel years before and decided to try to finish it. And finish it he did. It is a classic PI/noir novel, with dirty cops, dirty politicians, and a protagonist who is both flawed and noble. Despite the genre trappings, The Chicago Way turned out to be one of the best first novels that I have ever read. The story is tight, with no filler anywhere. The characters are archetypes, but they aren't one-dimensional, they talk and behave like real people. It was a great read.

2/3. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo/The Girl Who Played with Fire - were the first of a planned 10 books by Swedish writer Stieg Larsson. The books were to tell the story of a journalist named Mikael Blomkvist and a social misfit/computer hacker (what a stretch, although this one is female) Lisbeth Salander. Larsson died after he had completed the third book, leaving notes and summaries for what would come. The first book was fairly interesting. The characters were a bit cardboard, but the story elements were actually pretty interesting. After reading the first book, I was intrigued enough to dial up the second. What a piece of crap. There were actually three pages of text detailing what pieces of furniture from IKEA that Lisbeth purchased to furnish her flat. I don't usually quit reading a book prior to finishing it, but in this case I made an exception. Avoid these books if at all possible.

I do have a new book to read, it is called The Tourist, I have high hopes for it, I'll write more about it later.

What's playing on iTunes...

I love people with a sense of humor about themselves and what they do. Here is Paul Gilbert, probably the scariest guitarist alive, who went through a pop music phase for a while. His albums were fun and filled with quirky songs and little gems. This song, which is not a video btw, is a good example of how Paul's sense of humor and music come together. The song comes from the subtly titled album Burning Organ. I just wanted to share.

Homer's Hot 10 - #2 Jennifer Connelly

I was digging through the dvd collection the other day and ran across Dark City, a strange sci-fi movie that came out a year or two before The Matrix, but dealt with some of the questions of the nature of reality. It is a very cool movie, very odd, but good. Anyway, Jennifer Connelly played Rufus Sewell's wife, and she looks great. The nice thing about Connelly is that on top of being a pretty decent actress and a beautiful woman, she also seems to have her shit together. Yeah, between her and Salma, they are going to keep those eyebrow sculpters in business, but no one is perfect...