Congratulations

to the Vanilla Gorilla for winning this year's Dead Pool (barring a rash of celebrity deaths in the next 9 days). When little Arnold Jackson was murdered by his wife, I mean fell off of that ladder, VG picked up 58 Dead Pool points and the victory. His prize? A picture of Marisa Miller and a 12 pack of the Coke product of his choice. To all of the participants in this years pool, or any who want to participate, get those lists in in the next week and a half...

The Rumors Must Be True

No, not that I'm the worst blogger on the internet, there are plenty worse than me, no that Hef is running out of money and the bunny is about to go under. The evidence you ask? Well, they cleaned off version 7 (or is it 8?) of Pamela Anderson, put their best photoshop wizards to work and put it on display on this month's issue. Combine that with some lame 'golden ticket' promotion they had last month and you can stick a fork in Playboy. They're done.

And really, is it a bad thing? I'd argue that it is not. Whatever panache Playboy once had has been long gone, it is little more than a relic of a simpler, more innocent world. The things that gave Playboy any substance don't sell anymore and for the prurient, there are other outlets that cater to a wide array of perverts out there.

When the inevitable happens and Hef turns in his keys to the mansion and his 3 granddau...., I mean girlfriends, I think that it will be time for the sociologists and others to take a hard look at the impact that the sexual revolution had on American society and culture. Maybe I'm just being a curmudgeon, but I doubt it has been a benefit.

I wonder if the 23 year old girl in the photo above could see where her life was going to take her, would she have still taken this particular journey?

Wait....

so putting a bunch of addicts and degenerates in a house together might be a bad idea? I'm stunned that Lindsay and her room-mates would make a bad decision like having a party in a half-way house. What's next, the sun is going to rise in the east? At least we can all find comfort in the idea that in 2011, many things may change, but Lindsay's hunt for booze and blow will continue unchecked.

So....

This is a promo for a new USA Network television show about a legal mediator, I think. I'm still not sure. All I know is if this woman was supposed to make a decision for me, I'd just nod my head and agree. Whatever this woman wants or needs.... I agree to. Maybe it's just me...

Eric Whitacre

So apparently, one of the guys I knew in high school has become an internationally known choir conductor and composer.... This is not surprising to me, as he was a very talented musician in high school, but it is always interesting to see what people do with their talents.... His latest project is what he is calling the Virtual Choir, where people are loading up a video of them singing a part in one of his compositions and then they compile them into the final piece. It's pretty interesting, check it out.

Random Silliness

1. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a serious, life-threatening addiction to Diet Coke. I usually buy it in either 44 ounce or 52 ounce cups from the QT (which is the best convenience store on this little blue rock we live on, but that's another story). I only bring it up because I sometimes stop at this one gas station on the way home and they don't have the 52 ounce cup. They jump straight from the 44 to a half-gallon. This is the final step into a medical condition, I'm convinced of it. I refuse to make that jump.... for now. Looking at that 64 ounce soda cup is like Lindsay Lohan looking at big fat line of cocaine on her second day in rehab... she knows she shouldn't but you just know its gonna happen sooner or later. I'm very afraid.

2. Monica Gellar's husband is out in public discussing how, the day after his separation from his wife is pubic, he hadn't had sex with her for four months and he needed to go out and get some. I don't know if there is a joke here, other than getting into a relationship with any of the Arquettes is a horrible idea (Nicolas Cage has never recovered), but I'm guessing that going on Howard Stern's show and confessing your infidelities is not the best way to get that Friends money in perpetuity David....

3. I was listening to an old Dokken CD the other day and I became legitimately curious as to why the drummer was always listed as 'Wild' Mick Brown? Really, he was a fairly generic hard rock drummer, with all of the subtlety of a hammer, so what was he doing that made him so wild? Or was this Don Dokken's attempt to venture into Led Zeppelin's Hammer of the Gods territory? Either way, calling Mick Brown 'Wild' was just silly and smacks of desperation.... It probably drove George Lynch to steroids.... I loved this album in high school, so here's a cut, just know that Don Dokken is the least charismatic front man in the history of rock and roll:



4. Shauna Sand is out in public again.... Can we take her and Coco out and drop them off in a desert somewhere? Then I saw this picture a few days back....



This poor young lady is not related to Shauna, she's Lorenzo Lamas's daughter, but it is obvious that there are some serious body image issues going on in that household....

5. Kim Kardashian is naked in this month's W magazine.... Didn't she just complain about Playboy releasing unpublished pictures of her? I guess any publicity is better than none....



6. Finally, this girl is the one who Brett Favre was so smitten with he had to send her pictures of his wiener.... Does that move really work? I mean, unless you're Tommy Lee, why would you want to do that? Is this some hidden advantage to wearing Wranglers? I guess they raise them differently in Mississippi....

AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

MAKE IT STOP.... PLEASE ICE-T, MAKE IT STOP. HALLOWEEN ISN'T FOR ANOTHER MONTH!

Seriously, make use of the pimp-hand and keep this shit out of my interwebz. I don't know which one I need worse at the moment: a HAZMAT-strength eye-washing station or a cycle or two of antibiotics...

I'm All In...

I really hate poker metaphors, but with the new fall television season in full swing it felt appropriate. I suggested my love of all things Alison Brie last year and the new season of Community has done nothing to blunt that. She's funny and hot, which is always a good combination. Here are some other random thoughts:



1. Black Swan is coming out soon and if you recall, the movie features the male fantasy of Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman making out. Apparently it took the duo the better part of a bottle of tequila to get the ladies in the mood. My question is what kind of tequila were they using and is it generally available? Can you imagine what that information would be worth to a PR firm? It would make for a much better commercial that that Sopranos douche sitting at a table.

2. Kanye West was on SNL this past week... being just as stupid as he always is. It was a laughable performance. Why is he famous again? Oh yeah, he stole some award from the similarly talent-deprived Taylor Swift.

3. They are making another Three Musketeers movie. What the hell did the French do to deserve to have Orlando Bloom desecrate their national heroes?

4. Kate Beckinsale has officially given up. She fell for the paycheck and is going to star in the fourth Underworld movie. All this means is that she'll be doing direct to dvd sequels to this and her other shitty movies until her looks fade. That's too bad, as she is not a bad actress, but she's married to an abominable director. At least she's still working though....

5. The League is back, which is my new favorite television show. It is a crazy, semi-improvised show about a group of friends who are in a fantasy football league. There is no place they won't go, which to me is the essence of good comedy. I love it, you should watch it too....

So what is the feature set?

So apparently you can order a Coco edition of a Cadillac. I have several thoughts running through my mind when I stop and try and wrap my head around that idea.



First, does it come with passive seatbelts like they used to have in the 80's so Ice-T doesn't get a ticket for not wearing a belt? How about does the seat have an extra large girth to handle Coco's junk? And is the seat made of some space age polymers that repel both STDs and the spunk of your current john you happen to be servicing? I mean really Cadillac, was Pamela Anderson unavailable?

I know when I think upscale, luxury cars, I always ask myself what Ice-T's whore driving? And now that I know the answer to that question, I know my next car purchase will most likely be a Lexus... or something....

Sexual Harassment

So apparently the New York Jets sexually harassed this woman:



Her name is Ines Sainz and she was at Jets practice to interview Mark Sanchez for a Spanish language television network. Look, I get that women can do any job men can and they have made significant strides in the field of sports reporting, but you know what? If you want to be taken seriously in your job, don't show up to interview an athlete in a locker room filled with testosterone fueled naked guys looking like this:


Or this:


I know this isn't a phrase people like to hear, but she kinda deserved it....

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you want to be considered a professional, dress like one.

Recharging My Batteries...

Always sounds like a good idea, until you get so lazy that all you can say when you are asked when you're going to get back to work is "I can't be bothered." Which isn't to imply that anyone asked if I was going to post on here again.... I'm not going to go crazy like that. Anyway, here's 5 stories that made me laugh:

1. The headline? Zac Efron's Beard. How am I not supposed to laugh? Apparently I'm supposed to give a shit that Zac finally hit puberty and can grow facial hair, kinda... But I'm not supposed to infer that Zac is taking it in the ass from some random waiter at the Beverly Hills P.F. Changs? Next thing you know Charlie St. Cloud is going to play the Rev. Willie G in the ZZTop story...


2. Paris Hilton used to stash blow in her vag. At least it's good for something other than spreading industrial strength STDs. You know how they used to try to dissuade young people from doing coke by telling you all of the nasty shit that it is made from? What does this say about Paris' junk? Oh, and did they have to use one of those bank drive thru containers to keep it from falling out at an inopportune time?


3. Kanye is writing a song for Taylor Swift.... Is he going to use his superpowers to turn back time to not be an asshole? If not, he needs to just STFU.

4. Speaking of superpowers, so this guy is the new Spiderman? What was Toby to masculine for the role? I know that it is old news and the Spiderman character is supposed to be a normal guy, but is he supposed to have tiny vestigal wings and use Downy on his delicates?



5. Apparently Kim Kardashian is not happy that Playboy is releasing more photographs from her session she did with the magazine last year. Really? There are more pictures? Hmmmmm.... Anyway, what did she think that Playboy was? Some company that releases pictures of naked women or something? I suppose she regrets letting Ray-J pee on her too.... Of course without that we wouldn't know who the hell she is, so probably not. Although Lamarr Odom probably does...

Photoshop? Please?

The first time I saw this I was sure that her crown was photoshopped.... but I really found myself wishing that those wizards would have spent more time making her face less horrific.....

I am all about putting boobs to the forefront, but this look even offended me.

"I'm Too Pretty To Be In Jail..."

Sure you are Snookie.... sure you are. Will someone please punch her in the face? Someone did? Maybe they need to hit her harder. Maybe if one of those other orange idiots hits her hard enough she'll stop looking like the monster that should be guarding a pile of gold in middle earth.

Raping My Childhood Part 4573

It is not enough that Hollywood has tried to ruin everyone in their 40's childhood memories, now scientists are trying to get into the act as well....

Apparently, the dinosaur that was known as triceratops did not exist.... so all of those artists depictions of triceratops valiantly fighting off a t-rex were not real.... damnit! First brontosaurus, now triceratops? What's next? What is going to be left when they finally open Jurassic Park? I'm not taking this well...

**Goes off to punch a wall**

Where's the Magic?

Apparently the photoshop wizards that Maxim usually employs to edit out nipples and unsightly blemishes were on vacation when the editorial staff (that's a joke folks, if you've ever read Maxim, you know that there is no such thing as editing or ideas there) decided to put the least ugly female member of the Jersey Shore in their publication. I prefer that thought to the one that tells me that this is the best they can do for this poor girl. That boob job makes Heidi Montag's look natural in comparison.

Seriously, I could go anywhere in the metropolitan Phoenix area where more than ten people have gathered, throw a rock and hit a prettier girl. This skank needs to keep her special guidoized brand of herpes contained to that festering cesspool known as New Jersey. At some point the CDC needs to intervene...

OG

Ice-T got put upon by the man again today, being arrested for driving on a suspended license and not wearing a seatbelt. Muthafucka is HARD....

Happy Jail Day!

So Lindsay's supposed to go to jail today..... She's like comedy manna from heaven. So anyway, here are some random observations from the past week:

1. Literally? I went and saw the movie Inception over the weekend. I really enjoyed the spectacle and the story that Christopher Nolan had created. It was really good, but there are a significant number of movie critics who really do not like Nolan's style. Which is perfectly alright, but they criticize his movies as being too literal, not metaphoric enough. Which is kind of silly. These are the same people who are using David Lynch as an example of great filmmaking. The man hasn't told a coherent story in decades, but that is what Nolan should aspire too.... idiots. One buffoon actually said they liked the Transformers sequel better than Inception. That's just stupid. Watching that movie was like raping your own eyes.

2. Lil Kim did this to herself? Why? Haven't these losers seen each other? They NEVER look better afterwards.....


3. Paris Hilton has been cited twice in the past month for possession of marijuana in foreign lands. Aren't they supposed to lock her in some sort of prehistoric hell for that stuff? I saw Midnight Express. I'd like to see her use her ass herpes to get out of a Turkish prison.....

4. The cast of the Jersey Shore is getting a raise.... Why exactly? The only raise these losers should get is when they are swinging from the shower curtain rod during their auto-erotic asphyxiation games. And people wonder why the world hates America.

5. I missed the Jennifer Love Hewitt prostitution movie on Lifetime this weekend. I don't know if I can forgive myself, as I'm sure there was some hot seedy motel action. I'll try to forgive myself....

6. Angelina Jolie has a new movie that is coming out this weekend. It looks good for a movie about a woman who is clearly starving and looking for a sandwich....



7. The Old Spice guy just signed a deal to star in a yet to be developed television show. About a guy who runs around without a shirt I'm guessing. I hope he saves his money.... Go Devils!

Morning News.....

Apparently that little leprechaun Spencer Pratt is homeless. That's just too bad. I got nothing else about that little bastard. In more important news (important only because it deals with someone who actually did something with their life) New York Yankee owner George Steinbrenner died this morning. No one had him in the pool, which was an oversight I'm sure for many, which means someone lost out on twenty points. In the big picture this wasn't unexpected as he's been reportedly been sick for many years, but it is good to reflect on how George changed the culture of baseball..... wait, it isn't good because he helped put baseball in the position it is currently in, which is a place where only a handful of teams can compete on a regular basis and whenever a team falls out of contention they sell of all of their good players because they cannot afford to keep them. He was a bully, a narcissistic asshole, and a megalomaniac. Gee, why do the good die so young?

On second thought, let's talk about Spencer's future.....

More Mel....

So I'm heading out the door to look for those bums I was talking about due to the fact that even more Mel Gibson crazy is coming out of the wood work.... I just wanted to hit a couple of points.

The first is that Mel Gibson is crazy and full of hate. It shouldn't be shocking, due to the fact that his father is EXACTLY the same way and he has been living as an entitled celebrity for the past thirty years or more. It would be more shocking if he ended up normal and well-adjusted. The calls for apologies and rehab are old news and quite frankly would be little more than window dressing for the fact that Mel Gibson is crazy and full of hate.

The second is the fact that no one in the media is actually quoting Mel from his rants. Wait, they are, they just blank out some of the letters.... it just reminds me of what Louis CK said in this clip, it's timely and funny:



Finally, I really do hope that Mel Gibson does take a step back and recognizes that he's teetering close to the edge. I was really depressed when I found out that OJ Simpson was a murdering son of a bitch, I don't want to have to add Mel to that list as well.

Finally, the World Cup is Over....

So the World Cup ended this weekend. Mercifully. Anyway, the nation of South Africa, which brought us such wonderful things as Krugerrands and Morgan Freeman as president can go ahead and set their vuvuzelas on fire. If you watched any of the Cup you realized what it would be like to live in an active wasp hive. Fun. But that isn't the point of this post.

No, apparently the lady pictured above is a Dutch porn star who promised all of her twitter followers a free hummer should the Netherlands have won the cup. It was an interesting proposal, which sparked several questions:

1. How would she do it? She currently has over 100,000 followers, the logistics of servicing so many people would have been Herculean. No, really.... Heracles supposedly serviced all fifty daughters of Thespius in a single night, impregnating them all. Even Heracles would have been interested in how Ms. Eden was going to fulfill her promise.

2. What kind of desperate loner would have tried to claim their "prize"? Maybe it was going to go down like that sting on the Simpsons where they were giving away free motorboats, but really it was a parking ticket sting... Maybe they were going to sterilize the losers when they showed up for their reward.

3. Why am I not following more interesting people on twitter? I've got a bunch of writers and critics in my twitter feed, which is nice I suppose, but kinda boring.... In the comments, maybe you all could suggest some fun people to follow in the twitter world.

Again, mercifully, the cup is over and Spain won, saving us all from some sordid news story about how 100,000 losers from around the world contracted a virulent strain of porn-herpes....

Bored on a Monday Morning....

So I have been sitting around the house for the past three weeks, trying to find something to do. I have read the interwebz far too much.... I am on Lindsay Lohan overload and if I read another story about Mel Gibson, I just might have to find a two bums and pay them to fight. So I have a few random thoughts I figured I'd share:

1. Lebron James is going to Miami. I don't understand why I'm supposed to care so much, but ESPN devoted a full hour to his decision.... Nothing Lebron is going to say will keep me interested for 60 minutes, unless he has my family held hostage. To think that he needed an hour of airtime for that atrocity, well, let's just say that someone's mommy instilled a little too much "you're special" into their head.... And then Jesse Jackson starts defending Lebron? Amazing....

2. They are going to make an Ozzy Osborne movie? Jesus, please no. Just no. First of all when I say 'they,' I am referring to the dolts who are trying to tell me that the 5th Harry Potter movie, which has sold over $900 million worth of tickets lost money, so I am not talking about people who are sane and normal. But really? who is going to see this shit? Anyone with any sense and interest has seen the Osbornes and realizes that they are all nuts.... Why would I want to pay ten bucks to see his fantasy version of his life on the screen? And he wants to play his mother? Oh man.... they talked about this stuff in my psychology classes....

3. San Francisco is thinking about banning pet sales.... I'm intrigued. I won't even discuss gerbil sales....



4. Bon Jovi is in the clip above. He tweaks his leg in the video, which is a bad song, apparently tells the audience that getting old sucks and goes into the next song, Livin' on a Prayer. After that the show is over and everyone goes home happy, except for Jon Bon Jovi who finds out that he tore his calf muscle. I've never been a big Bon Jovi fan, but damn, the dude's a pro...

5. Finally, some brilliant photographer asked themselves, what would one of Homer's favorite models look like if she were having her pictures taken in the mid-80's? The results are at the top of the post.... That photographer is my new hero....

Keepin' the Pimp Hand Strong....

A new legal post....

1. Urkel decided that Mel Gibson shouldn't have the news all to himself and went out and punched his baby mama in the tit. That's right, he punched her breast (which was an implant, as the story goes.... does this make a difference?) while they were driving in the car. Why does anyone care?

2. Mel Gibson keeps making news... Wetbacks are the latest 'victim' of his racist wrath. Does this come as a shock? I'd be surprised if there was a race he liked at this point. It's apparent that he's going to have to just go away now, which is too bad as Edge of Darkness was a pretty good movie. Watching the public disgrace unfold has been sad.

3. Speaking of sad, Lindsay is going to jail. That isn't really sad, but the fact that she is only going away for 90-ish days is. Her contempt for everything and everyone not named Pablo Escobar is astonishing. Hopefully she doesn't have anal herpes to give her an excuse to get out of jail early like Paris did.

How Will She Make It?

Apparently the figure of $750 million that has been making the rounds is not what the soon to be ex-Mrs. Tiger Woods is going to get in her divorce settlement. She is going to have to make do with only $100 million. Well, I know Tiger liked Perkins, hopefully Elin likes the Grand Slam special at Denny's, because I don't know how she'll make it on that little cash. I know she's gonna love Wal-Mart....

What's New Sugar Tits?

Remember when he was just a drunken anti-dentite? I do.... Let's face it, Mel has gotten away with a whole bunch of stuff over the years, from nailing sorority sisters at Stanford while shooting a movie, to railing against the Jews who run banks and studios. He was able to overcome because he could make money at the box office, but is that still the case? I don't think so. I liked Edge of Darkness, but he's getting to the age where he's going to have to start taking character/supporting parts, and no one goes to the theater just for those. Overall, he's just killing his career prematurely. Too bad....

And yes, I am going to eschew the traditional Russian whore joke here....

I Hate Michael Scott....

Trying to get back into the swing of things....

1. Steve Carell has decided to leave The Office after this upcoming season. I have never liked his character on that show. It always felt like he was trying too hard. In the beginning it was awkward and uncomfortable, but as the show 'progressed' he became unwatchable. At least Dwight was funny.... until a couple of years ago. The show has been decidedly bad for years now, but it is the only show on NBC that gets ratings, so you know the network is going to keep its corpse on display for at least two or three more years. Good for Steve to get out before the network engages in a creative Weekend at Bernie's with his show and character like they have done for Jay Leno.

2. Speaking of unwatchable... Jay Leno's ratings have been lower than Conan's were. HA! The least talented, least funny host in late night is getting what he deserves. Not really, if there were any justice in the world, Jay's garage would explode, his wife would leave him and reveal his fish fetish to the world, and he would be reduced to scouring the newspapers of the world for joke headlines for shut-ins who don't know any better.

3. The Bachelor and his television girlfriend broke up.... does anyone really give a fuck? Now she's trying to guilt Playboy into taking pictures of her naked. Really? I'll tell you what Hef, if you promise to keep her fugly ass out of your magazine, I'll actually subscribe. On a side note, if you go on a television dating show, you automatically lose any ability to call the other person an attention whore. Them's just the rules. Venereal or whatever your name is, take your gay ex-boyfriend and go the hell away.

4. So did Gary Coleman's ex-wife really kill the little bastard?

5. So many people are prefacing the news of Megan Fox's wedding with some sort of mocking 'she's off of the market' crack. Was she ever on the market? I know that Brian Austin Greene is a douche bag, but hey, he locked that shit down early, good for him. You just know that Ian Ziering is out there combing the Greyhound stations like that old Poison video....

6. If I hear another 'expert' or 'insider' report on LeBron James, I might just up and stab someone... Seriously, does anyone really give a shit about where an entitled, spoiled millionaire is going to go and quit during another playoff run?

7. I love Ice-T... but can I paypal him some money to keep his wife's junk off of my internet? At least for a few days? It would totally be worth it.

8. Apparently Al Gore likes the happy ending.... which might be a bit inconvenient for any future political causes he'd like to champion.... but, what the hell, I'm intrigued by his ideas, in fact I might just want his newsletter....

9. Tiger's soon to be ex-wife is going to get upwards of $750 million. Good for her. I know one thing though, I've been into a lot of crappy diners in my life and I've never seen one waitress in any Perkins, Denny's, or iHop that is worth $750 million. That's just me though, I have taste and class....

10. The picture used above was done to commemorate the anniversary of Michael Jackson's death... I'm waiting for the one where Satan is sodomizing his drugged ass while he is burning in a pit of fire. About this one though, who knew dying made you black? Food for thought....

Only Two Ways This Can Go....

This will either blind the audience with its awesomeness.... or be so mesmerizingly shitty that it will make Showgirls look like an Academy Award winning character study. There will be no middle ground. Either way, I'm there...

Line for the iPhone....

I'll admit it: I don't understand the allure of standing in line for a phone, computer, or gadget that is sure to be riddled with problems. But there are plenty of dorks out there that do, so whatever. All I know is that there is some controversy over Jason Bateman being pulled out of line and ushered into the store to purchase his new iPhone away from the unwashed masses. Whatever. Apparently he was in line for over 5 hours, minding his own business and an employee recognized him and brought him in. Why the hell not? If Bateman had pulled the "Don't you know who I am?" routine people would be killing him. Instead, he sat in line and waited. Like any of these other dorks wouldn't have gone in if they were invited.... Losers. I think that they're mostly pissed that they bought a shitty phone on the worst cellular service in America...

Love the Picture....

I'm not sure why, but I love this picture.... It makes me giggle.

Where's She/He Taping It?

Everyone's favorite Pre-Operative Transsexual went to the BET Awards this weekend. Good for it. My big question is what exactly is she wearing and how long afterwards did it take her to fire the person responsible?

Howyoudoin'?

Hey Joey, loaded much? Knowing Joey though, he isn't drunk, he's coming off of a big sandwich bender.... Drowning his professional sorrows in prosciutto and cheese. I don't know what's sadder, that Joey Tribiani looks that damn old, or that he's that loaded, and old. I don't feel sorry for him though. It's not like he's going to run out of money anytime soon, he'll just bloat up and get gigs as Santa Clause at the local mall.

And Aloha Means Goodbye....

So I just got back from vacation..... so sad. We spent a week in Hawaii and now I just want to go back. Too bad for me, but possibly good for you, the reader. I will pick up the posting pace. I took this picture the first night we were in Hawaii.... I just love to look at it.

I Hope This isn't the Arrested Development Movie

At least Jason Bateman isn't kissing dudes here... Funny moments, but I'm kinda meh on this.

I'm not one to pile on, but....

Damn.... The important thing to remember here is that Lindsay is not yet 24 years old. And she has the puffy, liver-failure face of Jimmy Page. I think that the Lohan pick is going to win the pool for someone this year.... I've just got a feeling.

Who is January Jones?

And why did those three cars get in her way last night? Obviously they missed the memo that she was going to be driving..... Luckily Bobby Flay was there to save the day. I wonder what his wife had to say about that?

Interesting...

Reason #15745 Why the Rest of the Civilized World Hates Us...

Here is a brief description of a new show being produced by MTV:

Shot in documentary format, the show follows the Electric Barbarellas as they shop their demo tape around in the hopes of landing a record deal. The group is led by a singer-songwriter named Claudia, who is described by a source as a "female Diddy" that tried out roughly 700 girls before deciding on the five in addition to herself that make up the band. Sources said to think of the group as a cross between the Pussycat Dolls and Spice Girls, except raunchier and not as musically gifted, if that's possible.

Oh, it is possible to be raunchier and less talented than the Pussycat Dolls and the Spice Girls, but why the hell would anyone want to watch it? Executives like to complain about the erosion of the television audience, but when they put this shit out there, can anyone blame the public for not watching it?

And the Universe Thanks Her

Kim Cattral has gone on record that now that she is over 50 she will no longer be photographed/filmed in the nude. I'll just say thanks Kim, we don't need to see that dusty old cooter again. Now if she could just talk to Sharon Stone....

And hell no, there was never going to be a photograph to go with this post...

Screw You....

I think that this is Brooke Shields' new approach to life. I'll be the first to admit that I've never been a big fan of Brooke's. She always struck me as pretty blah, just another empty skin that needs words and ideas from others to function, a perception that reading Andre Agassi's book didn't help.

This has slowly started to change for me though.... Brooke recently decided that she was going to buck the traditional Hollywood mindset and become an advocate for wearing fur. She even went to Denmark and designed her own fur coat. Good for her,I'm about sick of PETA and their propaganda machine. I don't know if I'd ever wear a fur coat, not being a female, nor being, you know..... European, but I love the fact that she just doesn't give a damn.

I'll show my support by going out and eating an animal tomorrow....

Oh, the Humanity....

Browsing the web, trying to dull the pain of the curse of the Golden Girls and I find that it is apparently open season on celebrity marriages. Well, actually I guess we would have to work on our definition of celebrity, but you get the idea. First I read that Al and Tipper Gore were splitting up, and then I heard the news that Zack from Saved by the Bell and his wife were divorcing. The capper to this rash of celebrity separation is of course the idea that Heidi McPlasticbitch left that lunatic Spencer. He is pictured above from the past couple of days coming to grips with his ample gayness....

I guess there is really no point to this post other than to wonder, if the shallow and vacuous cannot keep their marriages together, what hope do the rest of us have?

The Care Bear Picked the Wrong Golden Girl

I knew one of them was outta here this year, I just didn't think it would be the "sexy" one. That is the most disgusting sentence I've ever written. I think I should stop writing in English just for that offense. The idea that Rue whateverthefuckhernameis was somehow a sexpot was ludicrous at the time and is vomit inducing now. I am not joking in the least that in even in her prime, she'd take a back seat to Betty White today, if Betty could leave her facebook contingent at home. Well, Ms. Regretful is no longer with us and CB is just biding his time....

Homer's Hot 10 - #1 Sofia Vergara

I posted up Sofia before, in relation to her new television show, Modern Family. She was originally a model whose nickname was Sofia Viagra, which I cannot really dispute. There was a scene in one of the later episodes of Modern Family that really sums up Ms. Vergara, it was when Sofia's character was getting out of the water and Phil asks his wife if she is moving in slow motion or if his brain is just doing that to him... I could relate.

So there you go, is the list perfect? Of course not, but isn't that what makes the world go 'round?

Happy Memorial Day

My brother-in-law and I just spent 10 weeks watching The Pacific on HBO. It was horrifying.... The horrors that the show inflicted on its viewers can only suggest how brutal it must have been for those men enduring it. I can only tip my cap and thank those who have served in the armed forces and have allowed me to sit here on my couch watching television on a beautiful Monday afternoon.

Books

So I haven't read much lately, which is unusual for me. I have read a few books recently that I wanted to comment about though, so here goes:

1. The Chicago Way - was a book written by Michael Harvey, who was the creator and executive producer of A&E's Cold Case Files. After eight or nine years of non-stop production of that show he decided to change gears. He had started a novel years before and decided to try to finish it. And finish it he did. It is a classic PI/noir novel, with dirty cops, dirty politicians, and a protagonist who is both flawed and noble. Despite the genre trappings, The Chicago Way turned out to be one of the best first novels that I have ever read. The story is tight, with no filler anywhere. The characters are archetypes, but they aren't one-dimensional, they talk and behave like real people. It was a great read.

2/3. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo/The Girl Who Played with Fire - were the first of a planned 10 books by Swedish writer Stieg Larsson. The books were to tell the story of a journalist named Mikael Blomkvist and a social misfit/computer hacker (what a stretch, although this one is female) Lisbeth Salander. Larsson died after he had completed the third book, leaving notes and summaries for what would come. The first book was fairly interesting. The characters were a bit cardboard, but the story elements were actually pretty interesting. After reading the first book, I was intrigued enough to dial up the second. What a piece of crap. There were actually three pages of text detailing what pieces of furniture from IKEA that Lisbeth purchased to furnish her flat. I don't usually quit reading a book prior to finishing it, but in this case I made an exception. Avoid these books if at all possible.

I do have a new book to read, it is called The Tourist, I have high hopes for it, I'll write more about it later.

What's playing on iTunes...

I love people with a sense of humor about themselves and what they do. Here is Paul Gilbert, probably the scariest guitarist alive, who went through a pop music phase for a while. His albums were fun and filled with quirky songs and little gems. This song, which is not a video btw, is a good example of how Paul's sense of humor and music come together. The song comes from the subtly titled album Burning Organ. I just wanted to share.

Homer's Hot 10 - #2 Jennifer Connelly

I was digging through the dvd collection the other day and ran across Dark City, a strange sci-fi movie that came out a year or two before The Matrix, but dealt with some of the questions of the nature of reality. It is a very cool movie, very odd, but good. Anyway, Jennifer Connelly played Rufus Sewell's wife, and she looks great. The nice thing about Connelly is that on top of being a pretty decent actress and a beautiful woman, she also seems to have her shit together. Yeah, between her and Salma, they are going to keep those eyebrow sculpters in business, but no one is perfect...