Wednesday, September 15, 2010

So what is the feature set?

So apparently you can order a Coco edition of a Cadillac. I have several thoughts running through my mind when I stop and try and wrap my head around that idea.

First, does it come with passive seatbelts like they used to have in the 80's so Ice-T doesn't get a ticket for not wearing a belt? How about does the seat have an extra large girth to handle Coco's junk? And is the seat made of some space age polymers that repel both STDs and the spunk of your current john you happen to be servicing? I mean really Cadillac, was Pamela Anderson unavailable?

I know when I think upscale, luxury cars, I always ask myself what Ice-T's whore driving? And now that I know the answer to that question, I know my next car purchase will most likely be a Lexus... or something....

Monday, September 13, 2010

Sexual Harassment

So apparently the New York Jets sexually harassed this woman:

Her name is Ines Sainz and she was at Jets practice to interview Mark Sanchez for a Spanish language television network. Look, I get that women can do any job men can and they have made significant strides in the field of sports reporting, but you know what? If you want to be taken seriously in your job, don't show up to interview an athlete in a locker room filled with testosterone fueled naked guys looking like this:

Or this:

I know this isn't a phrase people like to hear, but she kinda deserved it....

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you want to be considered a professional, dress like one.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Recharging My Batteries...

Always sounds like a good idea, until you get so lazy that all you can say when you are asked when you're going to get back to work is "I can't be bothered." Which isn't to imply that anyone asked if I was going to post on here again.... I'm not going to go crazy like that. Anyway, here's 5 stories that made me laugh:

1. The headline? Zac Efron's Beard. How am I not supposed to laugh? Apparently I'm supposed to give a shit that Zac finally hit puberty and can grow facial hair, kinda... But I'm not supposed to infer that Zac is taking it in the ass from some random waiter at the Beverly Hills P.F. Changs? Next thing you know Charlie St. Cloud is going to play the Rev. Willie G in the ZZTop story...

2. Paris Hilton used to stash blow in her vag. At least it's good for something other than spreading industrial strength STDs. You know how they used to try to dissuade young people from doing coke by telling you all of the nasty shit that it is made from? What does this say about Paris' junk? Oh, and did they have to use one of those bank drive thru containers to keep it from falling out at an inopportune time?

3. Kanye is writing a song for Taylor Swift.... Is he going to use his superpowers to turn back time to not be an asshole? If not, he needs to just STFU.

4. Speaking of superpowers, so this guy is the new Spiderman? What was Toby to masculine for the role? I know that it is old news and the Spiderman character is supposed to be a normal guy, but is he supposed to have tiny vestigal wings and use Downy on his delicates?

5. Apparently Kim Kardashian is not happy that Playboy is releasing more photographs from her session she did with the magazine last year. Really? There are more pictures? Hmmmmm.... Anyway, what did she think that Playboy was? Some company that releases pictures of naked women or something? I suppose she regrets letting Ray-J pee on her too.... Of course without that we wouldn't know who the hell she is, so probably not. Although Lamarr Odom probably does...