Sunday, November 16, 2008

I need a new cell phone

I love when people can make fun of themselves. Major props for Ozzy's people, as I don't think he knows who he is anymore, he just does what he's told.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Two months?????

Finally, we have photographic proof that supermodels are better than the rest of us (see, that there was a clever statement. What other kind of proof could we have?). The Victoria's Secret model on the far left of this picture, Alessandra Ambrosio, had a baby two months ago. This picture was taken this week. First it was Heidi Klum, now this. Are they ramping up the effort to create unreasonable body images for girls? Or should we just rest easy knowing that there is an impending race of super men and women ready to take over?


Sorry I had my dates wrong, this picture was taken ten weeks after her baby. That's so much more acceptable.

The Quantum of Homer

1. Election 2008 – is finally over. I found it fascinating how people have responded to the election of Barak Obama to the presidency. Feelings of joy, elation, and terror were all on display and I’m really not sure I fully grasp why. I can understand the joy that many black Americans felt upon the results, for a nation as great as ours can finally put the ugly specter of institutional racism to bed. For Republicans, this is a blow, but hardly the worst thing that could have happened to them. I was shocked when I heard some lady sobbing on the radio on election night at the prospect of an Obama presidency; that somehow his political views will turn her nation into, well I don’t really know. I guess that my fundamental issue with the reaction to President-elect Obama is that most people have no idea how little the presidency actually affects their life. It isn’t nearly as important as who Lindsay Lohan getting freaky with, or whether or not homosexuals are getting married.

2. The Bond Market – is no place for the weak, but it certainly is a place for kick-ass movies. The new 007 film is out this week and I’m pumped up. I’m hoping that this is as good as the last one, but I could do without another scene where he gets his nads racked with some rope. My only quibble is that Judi Densch isn’t getting any less annoying as M. If we can get a Bond re-boot, why are we wheeling out this dinosaur? If the producers want a more mature lady in charge, then I could think of 25 less annoying candidates than her. Oh well, maybe she’s the one who is going to get the genital beating this time. Whatever, as long as Denise Richards stays far away from this film it will be fine.

3. Monday Night Football – apparently being in the same building as Tony Korheiser does not automatically render you any more stupid or prone to appalling lapses in basic common sense and decency. Who knew?

4. Kick-ass 80’s Song of the Week – I’m not sure how to describe this song, other than to tell you to play it loud. Reminds me of high school.

5. The Odyssey – is a great slice of literature, but it does illustrate the inherent sexism with which much of western civilization is based. Odysseus is gone to war for twenty years; he collects war spoils (which are pretty young women stolen from conquered people), travels the Mediterranean sleeping with goddesses, and then swears vengeance against those who wanted to marry his wife, who has been sitting at home weaving a tapestry praying for her husband’s return. It’s a wonder that women haven’t risen up and smothered us all while we sleep.

6. Kid Rock – when did it become okay to just flat out rip another artist off musically, put your own mediocre lyrics to it and call it good? Can I just rewrite the lyrics to Unchained and become famous? Or do I have to risk hepatitis and sleep with Pamela Anderson, then get in fights at the local Waffle House first? Unlike Buster, I don’t have a thing for leathery snappy things so I’ll pass on Pam.

7. 30 Rock – is just killing this season. Last night’s Night Court reunion was perfect. The only drawback was the fact that there was no Bull. Hell, dig that bastard’s corpse up if you need to, but make it happen.

8. Thanksgiving is approaching – and it is time again to play the grateful game. Over the next couple of weeks, I will be giving thanks for a variety of things in this blog. As always it is assumed that I am grateful for the health and general well being of my family (I’m not a monster), but I ain’t a gonna write about that. Today I am grateful for the first six seasons of The Simpsons. Those years were among the greatest in the history of television. They were smart, funny, and subversive in ways that television today an only hope to attain. To see them continue to rape my memories like they have for over a decade now is not only sad and pathetic, it borders on criminal. Make it stop already.