Friday, February 27, 2009

Entertainment 5

It's been a long time since the last collection of random thoughts, so enjoy!

1. Reality Jerry – Apparently Jerry Seinfeld is about to star in a reality show where he is a marriage referee; helping couples work through their differences in a funny fashion, with sage observations. Sounds plausible, I guess, although how he can solve any problems with that hipster-racist living next door is anyone’s guess. Wait, wasn’t this a movie starring another comedian? I’ll just say that if Jerry stars in a drama about Boston fire-fighters, I’m taking Dennis Leary in the 1st round by TKO.

2. Raping My Childhood Part XXIV – There are rumors abounding about a coming remake of the Arnold classic Total Recall. Have we arrived here already? I was sure that the A-Team movie would have showed up first. Whoever directs this needs to learn not to follow this movie up with anything starring Sharon Stone, lest he create his own Showgirls.

3. Short Seasons – The latest season of Psych ended last week. It felt like it had just started and now I’m going to be forced to go without those crazy 80’s movies obsessed psychics until the summer? It sucks to be me, I guess. Since when was the season of a television show two months long? Stupid USA Network.

4. 22? – Now in its 20th season, the Simpsons has been renewed for 2 more seasons. I hope Rupert Murdoch and Matt Groening realize that they are going to hell, Ironic Punishments division. They obviously don’t have any dignity or self-respect left, so I guess the daily sodomiziations aren’t going to bother them too much.

5. Harry Hamelin – I usually don’t have a whole lot of pity on entertainers. They have chosen a brutal profession and when they succeed, they are compensated beyond the dreams of the average person. But I do feel for Harry Hamelin. Why? Just look. No one deserves this. I’ll admit, her body looks great for her age, but that face has enough plastic to hold a gallon of milk in it. At least we know what Harry did with Medusa’s head (that’s right a Clash of the Titans reference). She just needs to stop, but since Hef is determined to put someone half of his age on the cover of Playboy this spring, I guess we’re stuck with this skank.

And finally, just because I love the randomness of this picture:

Same Old Cardinals?

I had a long, boring post written about the Cardinal off-season, but the basic question is, are these the same old Cardinals?  It's starting to look like it, and it ticks me off.  I'll just say this, if Warner is allowed to walk for any reason, we need to surround the Cardinal compound and catapult flaming bags of horse crap into it until the Bidwills and Rod Graves are either fired or walked through the streets of Phoenix to our own little Place de Concord.  I'll bring the champagne.  

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

That colonel with his wee-beady eyes.

Sugar-tits Gibson is back. You've got to love his sense of humor anyway, unless he's telling you to shut up and get in the box-car.  Then he's not so funny, except maybe to Nay.

Monday, February 23, 2009

The Oscar Love

Well, last night was the annual Hollywood suck-off known as the Academy Awards. I didn’t watch it, and quite frankly, unless someone was going to punch Sean Penn in his fat, smarmy face, then nothing was going to draw me to it anyway. Penn needs to get hit in the junk with a bag of hammers. Skinny-tied bitch.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Internet Warriors

Ah, yes. The Internet is indeed serious business. At least that is the impression you would get if you ever read the comments section of any website. The web is filled with Internet warriors, people who are going to attempt to point out your stupidity and the superiority of their views, regardless of their validity.  Except my blog of course, my commentors (commentators?) are some of the best and brightest that this rock has to offer.

Case in point; I was looking for some commentary regarding the President’s speech at Dobson High School yesterday (total side note, why Dobson? It’s a craphole). The Arizona Republic had three or four writers discussing their views on the President’s plan. All of the views were different, but after each of the articles were comments by readers that were filled in by people whose only qualification is that they can turn on a computer. The hate just flew.  These fools went about spouting their views, and ranting about how the world just doesn't understand, how the stupid masses are so misguided by this leftist media.  It is kind of frightening to see this level of hate, stupidity, and laziness all in one place.  If these people feel so disenfranchised, they should write their own material and come up with their own arguments.  It isn't hard to sign up for a blog, I did it in less than five minutes and I'm functionally retarded.  They could have their say and not end up on page 35 of the comments that no one will ever see.

Dissent is good, I love to argue with people,  but the vast majority of people who comment on national events aren’t doing it in the spirit of discourse, they are doing it to feel superior to others, even if they are just cutting and pasting their views from some urban legend website. Like Fox News.  

I guess there isn't much of a point here other than even among the colossally stupid, you can still dig up a nugget of good information like I did today.  Did you know that Obama's plan brings us closer to socialism? I learned that from a bunch of comments on azcentral.   I also learned that Bar Rafaeli has a killer rack (I figured that one out on my own).

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Grim Specter of Death

This is so a headline from a couple of years back, but it seems that Lindsay is going back to the blow. I think she saw that Amy Winehouse is still alive and she is going to race her to the grave. Based on this picture, it could be a photo-finish. The cleavage angle is a good one in my opinion, but Lindsay needs to understand that it works better when we are not distracted by the fact that she hasn't eaten anything other than rock cocaine in two weeks.

And to my lovely sisters who are calling Bar a butta-face, I have to disagree. It must be a guy thing.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


So this week marked the debut of the 2009 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, a somewhat bizarre American tradition.  Traditionally released at the close of the NFL season, the swimsuit issue has always strode uncomfortably along the line mainstream titillation and out and out soft-core.  Whatever, I'll leave that for the social critics.  All I know is that for as long as I can remember, it was always a big deal to find out what model was going to be on the cover.  

So I thought it was interesting this year as yet another swimsuit issue was in the offing and it was revealed that Bar Rafaeli was this year's cover model.  I made the comment to the wife that Bar was just a little attractive, and her response was 'Really?  I don't see it."  Now this is the woman who has never been shy about identifying women who she feels are pretty, so I found this odd.  Am I crazy to think that this lady is pretty hot? Deluded into thinking her boyfriend isn't gay, but hot?  Or am I just going blind?  Let me know.  Maybe I'm just getting old, it is possible.


I know that I’m supposed to be filled with glee that a member of the New York Yankees is caught up in any sort of scandal, but the recent news that Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids left me more than a little indifferent. He got out in front of the scandal, did a soft-toss interview with Peter Gammons, who should have to turn in his title as journalist after that abomination, and said he’s sorry. Good for Mr. Rodriguez. Unfortunately, he’s only sorry about one thing, that he got caught.

Let me get this out there in the beginning: I don’t care if baseball players took steroids. They all did. If you told me I could make $25 million a year teaching school by taking a brain pill that could be harmful down the road, I’m asking for that pill and taking two. We all would, anyone that says otherwise is lying. The fact that Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire, and others took pills or shots that were illegal, but not banned by baseball, is immaterial to me. It is no different than the cocaine scandals or the fact that baseball players have been using speed for a century now.

What I do care about is the fact that now all of the sanctimonious blow-hard “caretakers of the game” are going to spend the next several months talking about why this has ruined baseball and will be the death-knell of the sport. Nothing could be further from the truth, all this will do will be to make sure that those people who worship at the altar of baseball to face the fact that most normal people just don’t care. And then they will complain that these cheaters are desecrating the game. They lose sight of the fact that it is a game. Luckily for them, the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue was just released, so their social life just took a huge jump, although we are going to lose some nerd work time due to their extended bathroom breaks.

And since when was Alex Rodriguez an Oompa-Loompa?