Monday, January 18, 2010


Well the new season of Chuck is here and quite frankly, I'm not sure if I'm sold yet. They have to find a way to get past Chuck being such a buffoon. I know he has the Matrix in his head, I mean Intersect, but his inability to access it unless he is in some sort of zone is becoming retarded. About mid-season last year, Chuck had become the least interesting character on the show, which is a horrible sign, but the end of last year had me thinking positively about season 3. Not sure yet, but what I am sure is that Sarah, played by Yvonne Strahovski, is still in fantastic shape. They have returned to the season one premise that Sarah needs to be semi-naked in each episode, which is a great turn of events.

The only problem with Yvonne as a sex symbol is that when they cast her against people like Angie Harmon we see her limitations. But I guess she'll do in a pinch.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I Need Your Help, You Walking Cock Cozy

This is kind of referring to back to a previous posting about television shows I love, but will ultimately be cancelled. These are excerpts from a recent episode of Better Off Ted, in which employees were encouraged to use offensive language in their interactions with each other. The clip is extremely not safe for the little ones or people with no sense of humor. The episode was funny, but it is a lot of fun to see these guys really go for it for these out-takes that had NO hope of being aired.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

To Hell with the Devil!

Not just a bitchin' album by Stryper, but is apparently the new lament of the thousands of Haitians who were killed, injured, or displaced by an earthquake this week. At least that's Pat Robertson's take on the natural disaster. Robertson says that the quake is a result of Haitians making a deal with Satan to get free of the French in the 1800's. That is awesome. I guess those Haitians just didn't care about their great-great-great-great grandchildren. Selfish bastards. I want to know what exactly Pat Robertson had to promise him so that anyone would give a flying shit about what he says. The next time that Pat Robertson exhibits a shred of humanity and compassion will be the first. I'll fall on the grenade here folks, I'll offer up my soul to Satan just to ensure that Pat Robertson spends his eternity next to two gay lovers ramming into each other like wildebeests rooting around for that last stalk of grass on the savannah.

I'm pretty sure that's what Kim Kardashian had to do... It's working for her.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


Here is a VanBlogger-style hit and run:

Apparently there is a new crisis arising out of the Avatar phenomenon. Some people are contemplating suicide due to the fact that they cannot live in that mythical Pandora-world. I have some simple, home-spun advice for those folks. Come closer and pay attention:

Cut vertical and cut deep you twits.


Tuesday, January 05, 2010

The Kiss of Death

So today the bride uttered words that no one ever wants to hear, that in many ways I am like my father. That hurt. Although to be honest, I say the equivalent to her often, because she is like her mother. But anyway, I am not here to talk about my feelings... what I am here to talk about is one way that I am similar to my father that just irks and saddens me.

My father likes bad food. He is the opposite of a foodie and as long as there is salt on the table he’s fine. He likes bad restaurants and most telling, when he finds a restaurant that he really likes, he goes there with a passion that is unholy. He insists that the family go there and when they aren’t as impressed with it he blithely ignores it. Ultimately, my father’s unquestioning love for a restaurant is the kiss of death for that establishment. There have been several examples over the years that once my father finds and loves a restaurant, it goes out of business or moves. It is axiomatic. And I am beginning to feel that I share that kiss of death with my father.

I like television. I shouldn’t, it has become obvious to me that television cuts heavily into my productive time, but damn, I love it. Unfortunately, it seems that once I find a show that I really like, it just doesn’t seem to have that wide appeal that allows for a long-lasting show. Arrested Development is the perfect example of this, as it remains the greatest television comedy today, yet the audience never found it. So Arrested Development went away after two and half years. Other shows fit the bill as well, and I am now perversely afraid to buy into a show too much, because I don’t have faith it will last past my finding it. I am hoping that I am wrong, as I love several new shows, Modern Family being my current favorite. I hope for Sophia Vergara’s sake that the show lasts for a while. At least long enough for me to stop feeling like my dad.

Saturday, January 02, 2010

Dead Pool 2010

All right, here are the Dead Pool lists. Remember, this isn’t just for fun; this is for a 12 pack of your favorite beverage. I decided not to give K-Rock any points for Brittany Murphy, but she does get the tie-breaker advantage for it. Good luck you ghouls...

The Vanilla Gorilla

1. Terrance Trent D'Arby

2. Gary Coleman

3. Pope Benedict (God's Rottweiler)

4. Justice Ginsberg

5. Muhammad Ali

6. Macho Man Randy Savage

7. Tom Arnold

8. Wilford Brimley

9. Micky Dolenz

10. Queen Elizabeth


1. Tom Sizemore

2. Lindsy Lohan

3. Andy Griffith

4. Amy Winehouse
5. Ethan Zohn

6. Bryant Gumbel

7. George Michael

8. Mickey Rooney

9. Elizabeth Taylor

10. Charlotte Rae


1. Penny Marshall

2. Michael J. Fox

3. Whitney Houston

4. Kirk Douglas

5. Mickey Rooney

6. Robin Williams

7. BB King

8. Keith Richards

9. Harrison Ford

10. Amy Winehouse

Sheri Beri

1. Lindsay Lohan

2. Elizabeth Taylor

3. Sherrif Joe Arpio

4. Courtney Love

5. Kelli Osborn

6. Perez Hilton

7. Clint Eastwood

8. Charlie Sheen

9. Lauren Hill

10. Tila Tequila

Care Bear

1) Paul McCartney

2) Owen Wilson

3) Al McCoy

4) Stephen King

5) David Cassidy

6) Glen Campbell

7) Chad "Ocho Cinco" Johnson

8) Li'l Wayne

9) Samantha Ronson

10) Betty White

Homer (Please note: I changed a couple of mine due to them already being taken. Nobody is dead yet so I feel it is fair game. Let me know if you disagree...)

1. Abe Vigoda

2. Hugh Hefner

3. Larry King

4. Scott Weiland

5. Kanye West

6. Rush Limbaugh

7. Brooke Mueller
8. Kristen Stewart

9. Michael J. Fox

10. Urban Meyers

Friday, January 01, 2010

Band of Badasses is more like it...

So the bride got me the blu-ray Band of Brothers discs for Christmas and all I can say is wow. As kick-ass as these are I just keep waiting for Nixon to tell Winters or Sobol that he's just too tired to care.