Sunday, June 28, 2009

Dead Pool 2010

Due to the confusion relating to who won this year's Death Pool, here are the rules for next years (I like them because it leads to a whole year's worth of being a Ghoul).

1. Each participant must submit a list of 10 celebrities numbered from 1-10 by the deadline of December 31st, 2009.

Please post your list in this format. It makes for easier sorting and checking.


1. Celebrity #1
2. Celebrity #2
3. Celebrity #3
4. Celebrity #4
5. Celebrity #5
6. Celebrity #6
7. Celebrity #7
8. Celebrity #8
9. Celebrity #9
10. Celebrity #10


1. Each pick this year is worth 100 points minus their age.
Example: If your pick dies at age 67, you will recieve 33 points. If they die at 33, you will recive 67 points.

2. The game will begin on January 1st, 2009, and end on December 31st, 2009.

3. The celebrity must have achieved their level of fame themselves. It's not enough to be related to a celebrity.

4. Executions don't count. People on death-row are not eligable at all.

5. They must be famous for something OTHER than the fact that they haven't died already. The individual has to have had some level of fame BEFORE they got old and/or sick.

6. Only real humans allowed. No fictional characters, no companies, no fads/concepts, no governments, no animals. How much clearer do I need to be?

Prizes will be ..

A twelve pack of Diet Coke(or whatever it is you drink) and the respect and admiration of your peers.

Hank Baskett is not Smart

Either Hank missed the memo about hitchin' up with someone who takes their clothes off for money, or he is a genius for recognizing the fact that he is a marginal football player and his wife's breasts are going to be his meal ticket. Either way, he obviously never watched The Girls Next Door. Kendra is about as smart as, I'd say a box of rocks but I don't want to insult the granite that didn't make it to my countertop. BTW, how are all of these people dying and Hef is still not taking the dirt nap?

Going to the Store

Right now either to buy some Kaboom!!! or some shoe polish to make my beard glossy and black. If I were in the entertainment business, I'd be very concerned right now...

Saturday, June 27, 2009


Why must people keep taking her picture? I don't know who she is (other than her name, I could figure it out, but it would be wasting valuable internet time I could be spending following Kate Beckinsale on Twitter, she's a pistol) or why anyone cares. She's just a pathetic troll who is missing her bridge. Seriously, the girl can't be older than 23 and she looks like she is just waiting for the sweet release. Please make it stop, and tell Blossom we found her hat...


So it is the end of June and that means that it is Wimbledon time...

The first time that I ever saw tennis on television was I believe the 1980 Wimbledon men's final where Borg beat McEnroe for his fifth consecutive singles title. Or maybe it was '81, either way it was amazing and I was hooked. I cannot play tennis for a damn, but I love to watch the majors when they are on. I was stunned when Nadal lost in the French last month and I was a bit sad when Sharapova lost in the early rounds this week but that doesn't mean that I won't be spending time in front of the television when NBC does its traditional Breakfast at Wimbledon broadcast. Good times, but I'm still not sure that I am a Roger Federer fan by any stretch. He seems kinda like a tool...

It is too bad that the state of American tennis is so bad right now, it kinda kills the fun, but like the wife always says, it is fun to watch someone who is really good at what they do. Now if they could just moderate the grunting...

Death. Mourning. Maybe.

It is always interesting to see how our culture reacts to the deaths of our celebrities. This week has been fascinating to me with the deaths of Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson. Each one of these people were clearly past their prime productive years as entertainers, each one well past any real success, but the reaction to each passing has been different.

I am most dismayed by the universal love that Michael Jackson is receiving. I understand that he was such a cultural icon in his youth. I lived through it. I watched the videos, I listened to the music, and I was also paying attention as his life slowly devolved into a freak-show of his own devising. From the chimps, to the amusement park he built for himself, to the ghastly plastic surgery nightmare that became his face, he became his own worst enemy. This doesn’t even address the child molestation situations. I have heard people try to downplay the allegations as opportunist parents and a parasitic media, and I have to agree that these people have their own part to play in this saga, but no one invented the ‘Jesus Juice,’ or the adult alarms in his bedroom. Yes, Michael was a victim of abuse from his father, and his situation should be a warning to all parents who push their children into show business (the Lohans, Spears, Caulkins, etc could have taken heed), but this doesn’t absolve him of his responsibility to those kids who were around him.

So rather than deify a man so deeply flawed, I’ll celebrate the other two, who were both undeniably less influential (and neither was perfect by any means), but infinitely more respectable. Farrah and Ed, I tip my cap to you, and move on with my day. Maybe I’ll read a book.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


I know that I haven't been real active on this blog lately, but life has been crazy....

Just be warned that I am coming up on some free time: it could get ugly.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Saturday, June 20, 2009

It's Socialism!!!!! Or at least 1984!

I hate when a government gets above itself and messes with stuff that it has no business messing with...

I know you're thinking I'm talking about Obama, but no, its those bastards in England messing with one of the cardinal rules of English, 'i before e, except after c.' It is bad enough that those lousy Limies (how would you pluralize Limey?) had to go and tax our stamps, now they are jacking with our grammar customs? The queen is rolling over in her grave.

I might have to protest by suspending all postings of Kate Beckinsale, her being British and all. Nah, never mind. I can't stay mad at you Kate.

Monday, June 15, 2009

When Michael Bay and Dreamworks Tried to Kill the Internet

1. The concept of the Transformers came from a line of kid’s toys. The concept of Megan Fox came out of millions of male fantasies. I’m sorry, but is this woman even human? I’m not sure I believe it. I’ve said it before, she may be dumber than a box of rocks (and in every interview she’s ever done she bears this out) but she is amazingly attractive. Hopefully the new Transformer movie isn’t as stupid as it could be.

2. So I’m browsing the net and came across this photo:

Now when I had heard that Phil Spector was accused of killing a woman and saw all of the accompanying photos, I believed it (because after OJ, you know LAPD isn’t going to arrest an entertainment figure without some good evidence), but thought that Spector was just some goofy old music dude who did something stupid. Then you start to read about what a sick bastard he was, and now you see his booking photo and you’re shocked that you haven’t read about him burying people in his cellar and eating their flesh. Dude is seriously whacked. I guess he’ll have to get by in the can without his bitchin’ hair.

3. Lauren Conrad wrote a book. WTF?!?!? I guess I’m just surprised that she even knows how to read, let alone write in her own slam book. Oh well, I guess if Kanye can write a book, I shouldn’t begrudge Ms. Conrad. Shouldn’t she be working off the deal she made with Satan rather than writing fiction? Although in her defense, she has had to work with Spencer and Heidi. Never mind, she has earned whatever she gets…

4. Kobe Bryant gets another crack at being Satan’s cabana boy. Only in America can a casual rapist reach the pinnacle of success in their chosen field. Maybe the Devil has better plans for him, but I can’t understand the love given to Kobe by the NBA and their officials. It sickens me.

5. Finally, in Guitar Hero: Van Halen, you can unlock a younger version of Eddie, Alex, and Dave along with Wolfgang dressed up in daddies 1984 tour get up. He’s still the same 18 year old Twinkie eater though. If I were going to delve into fantasy and play 1984 dress-up, I’d have the game programmers give me David Robinson’s body. I mean why the hell not?

Friday, June 12, 2009

She's Melting!

You know, once upon a time, Melanie Griffin was a recognizable human being.  That was, of course, before her current infatuation with plastic surgery.  So my question is this: what would she have looked like if she had just left herself alone?  I'm going to guess that she would look older, but one hell of a lot better than the mess above.  If this is how she looks all made up for the world, what the hell is Antonio Banderas waking up to?  Just a hot leathery mess...I guess.  I guess that's karma for leaving your wife for your co-star.  Ugh, I'm going to go scrub my eyes now.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Aaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!!! My Ears!

So I am driving around last night and it's kinda late, and I accidentally landed on a station playing Loveline.  How the hell is this collection of freaks that even the circus wouldn't take out on the road for fear of infecting the elephants still on the air?  When Adam Corolla thinks your schtick is played, you know it's time to go jump off of a cliff.  I wanted to lodge a complaint with the FCC, not for the explicit sexual discussion, but that the bounds of entertainment should contain something that is actually entertaining.  Dr. Drew should limit his practice to pathetic celebrities trying for a final payday, not those poor freaks with penis deformities who are looking for people who might be into that.  

Needless to say, it was a disturbing night.  That is all...

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


Air France conducted a test last week to see how many inappropriate Lost references they could inspire.  Good to know that it was something over 100,000.

Push Play

What exactly does a DJ do? I only ask this because of our good friend Lindsay and her ‘girlfriend.’ Only in the loosest of terms can one refer to her girlfriend as an actual female, but anyway, apparently this past weekend (or thereabouts) Lindsay went to a party hosted by this particular DJ. Some are speculating that she did this to make Samantha jealous.

Gee, where would someone get that idea? Because Lindsay Lohan is a vacuous whore who will apparently attempt to bed nearly anyone and anything? Regardless, I don’t care if this woman only played Air Supply and Kenny G, I would hire her 100 times out of 100 times before Samantha Ronson.  Maybe a million times out of a million, but there is also the possibility of a pity hire.  I am nothing if not compassionate...