Hey Bond-STFU!!!

So I'm minding my own business today, just reading the news on azcentral.com when I come across this horrifying headline:

Daniel Craig wants to record Bond theme

Talk about horrifying. Look, hasn't William Shanter taught us enough about the pain associated with actors trying to sing? Does this scenario ever end well? I applaud Daniel Craig and his efforts to resurrect the Bond franchise from stupid film-makers, but someone needs to remind Daniel that his strength is in looking good and letting bad guys rack him in the nads, leave the singing to the professionals.  Like Britney Spears. Wait, nevermind Mr. Craig, I take it all back.

Weekend Update

I’m totally going to steal this idea from withleather.com. It is a top 5 of the week post, in which the 5 things can really be about anything. So here is this weeks homershaven power rankings:

1. Kate Beckinsale’s new movie – I will probably never see it, as I have only seen three of her movies: Underworld, Van Helsing, and Much Ado About Nothing. Either way, it is supposed to be a pretty decent film, but the best part is Kate will be out there promoting it, which is always a good thing from my perspective.

2. The Suns keep winning – Ever since they traded for Shaq, all we’ve heard is that they were stupid and now have no chance. Well guess what NBA genius? They didn’t really have a shot with Marion either, so who cares.

3. The Sun Devils better dance – after beating Stanford, Arizona (twice), Xavier, and USC this year in addition to being screwed by the refs at the end of the tournament game Thursday, the selection committee for the NCAA had better get this one right.

4. Iron Maiden on a massive tour – Explain to me how this works. A slightly above average stoner/metal band from the early 80’s is somehow still touring and successful in 2008. Kids still walk around in The Trooper shirts, yet most of them weren’t even functioning sperm when that song was released. Shouldn't there be more recent bands who pull this kind of stuff? What's that? New music is mostly shit? Well, I guess that explains how Robert Plant can be offered $200,000,000 to tour with a reformed Zeppelin and turn it down. Maybe he's waiting for a ridiculous offer.

5. I've got gas - Finally, it's an election year, isn't someone going to take a stand and do something to lower gas prices? Jeez, it's going to be $4.00 soon, and people with garden hoses are going to be going on siphoning sprees until we end up in some Mad Max apocalypse. That would suck.

Breathing Life Back into the Haven

So it's been several months since I posted here, but that is coming to an end.  I intend to kick this back into high gear, so hold on to your pants, cause there's all kinds of navel-gazing shit coming right up!  

Expect more later today, or not who the hell knows!  Jenny McCarthy? Nah, but she looks better than I do, so up she goes.

Homer

Funny Pictures

Found some of these online and they made me giggle. I hope you enjoy!

For VG

I saw this video and thought of the Vanilla Gorilla. I don't know if he makes it over here or not, but this is for him:

Japanese Televison Rules!

You've got to love the Japanese. Their television prowess is nearly as high as the Mexican's is, and this video is proof. This is from the description of the video:

Japanese comedian Yama-chan attempts to guess which one of these office ladies has a 93cm bust. If he picks the girl with the right size, he will win 2,020,000 yen (about 16 thousand dollars)




I thought that Win Ben Stein's Money was a show I would want to participate in, but if they bring this to America, I'd have to give it some thought (although I wouldn't fall for the "invisibility drink" that they gave this fool.

A Dirty Job

Themo was watching television today, big shock I know, when a very interesting commercial came on. This advertisement was for a new reality show on the History Channel following the lives of Ice Road Truckers, it looks fascinating, driving on roads of ice, risking their lives to deliver goods and supplies to diamond mines in remote areas of the world. This is just the latest show on television highlighting obscure occupations, shows like Dirty Jobs and Deadliest Catch on Discovery Channel. These shows are definitely a step up from standard reality fare, but they aren’t perfect.

The primary problem I see with these shows is that we have become so soft as a society that we find people who actually work for a living to be something of a novelty. When you tune into Dirty Jobs, you can see people cleaning up after the rest of us slobs, working on farms, or doing shit in a factory that the rest of us wouldn’t deign lower ourselves to do. I have much respect for people who do the crap work in today’s world. Someone needs to do it, but I have to admit I feel a little guilty when I watch these shows and my first response is “Hell no I wouldn’t do that,” but then again that I why I got a degree in the first place. Maybe these shows will have a positive impact on us, erasing the stigma we attach to these kinds of jobs, because really these people are contributing so much more to our lives than these superficial celebrities we spend so much time talking about. Maybe instead of imprisoning Paris Hilton, we could just redistribute her money to people who have to clean up after her stupid ass. Just a thought.

P.S. The picture of Carmen? Hey, she's working hard here, give her a break.

Go Suns!

It is playoff time and the Suns and Spurs are about to go to war. It should be good and I need to show the Suns some love, so here it is.

$5 - Max

So many things have happened over the past couple of years in Ms. Spears' life, but one thing is for sure, if she were wearing this little outfit down the Sunset Strip at 3:00am she wouldn't get more than $5 a throw in the bed of a rusted out El Camino. What exactly is she famous for again?

Totally gratuitous

I know that this is totally gratuitous, but I just want to celebrate the glory of Diet Coke. None of that nasty Coke Light they serve in Europe, but the good stuff. I searched for a long time online to find a clean picture of Diet Coke, but they all have text and stuff. Here are the two I found:





I don't know about you all, but damn, I'm thirsty. Gotta go to Circle K.

A Week Away - Books 12,13, and 14

So while spending the week abroad I was unable to find time to update the blog, but I was able to get my books in for the week. I read a volume of Transgressions, a collection of novellas; More Twisted, a collection of short stories; and Escape Clause, another Bill Tasker book from James Born. All of these were pretty good, but I have no time to get into them, so HA!

Book #10-11 Moore of the same

Okay, I am just going to own up to it. I am going to finish the Chris Moore catalog by the end of spring break. Like I stated earlier, I go in phases when I read so it should be no surprise that I read a couple of more of Chris' books. These were both excellent books featuring characters who appear in Moore's other books. It was really kind of cool to see these characters in different settings. The books aren't sequels, but share settings. It is really a difficult thing to describe. Good books, next up is Bloodsucking Fiends.

How much cocaine

does it take to make you smile like this? Really, I want to know, because as I get older and more delusional, I might want to give it a shot. Hopefully it will kill me before I get there.



Sad.

Past perfect

No, not a grammatical concept, although we could go there if you choose, this little Youtube nugget is the intro to one of the coolest television shows of the 80's. I wanted a van like that sooo bad. Someday, I just might have to get one.



I'm sure I'll have to fight themo about it, but by then I'd be the coolest grandpa ever!

Book #9 - The Stupidest Angel

To close the week is another Christopher Moore book. I know, I said I was going to take a break, but these books are pretty fun to read, so here is Moore's zombie Christmas tale. It is pretty short, but funny and engaging. I enjoyed it immensely, I am in the middle of a huge John Irving book that just isn't cutting it. I'll get through it, but it is work.

De-Evolution of Edward Van Halen

This is a test of my Youtube abilities as well as a video documentary of what happens when years of hard living catch up to you. In this first clip, EVH is blowing through his live solo circa 1988. It is a good, but hardly great performance showing what an average Van Halen solo spot looked like during the Hagar years.



This second video is of lesser quality, but is from the ill-fated 2004 tour, and sadly is what happened on an average night on that tour.



If you can make through the entire last clip, then you have my sympathy and respect. Those old "Your brain on drugs" commercials should make a comeback, and Eddie Van Halen should be the poster child.

Book #8 - A Dirty Job

No, this isn't a book based on the wonderful Discovery Network show, this is another book by Christopher Moore. This is the book that let me onto the fact that You Suck! is a sequel due to the fact that several of the characters are in both books. This book is better than You Suck!, and having read three of Moore's books now his style is less grating to me than it was initially.

The plot of A Dirty Job is pretty simple: Charlie Archer is a shop-owner who one day discovers that he is a Death. Not the Death, but one of several Deaths whose job it is to free souls and pass them on to people who are destined to have them. Charlie is suitably unsuited for the job, being a Beta Male (which means exactly what you think it would mean), and this combines with Moore's comedic style to lend a comic air to what could be a very dark work.

After reading several of Moore's books it is plain that Moore has issues with religion - not hostile, but very questioning. He infuses his Death with mensch-like insecurities and then forces him to deal with death, grieving, and the afterlife. Moore seems to embrace a mish-mash of theologies here (and in the other books), leading towards some sort of ecumenism. Ultimately, the story is fun and occasionally makes the reader think about their own preconceptions, which is Moore's point.

Update for You Suck!

I was a the library yesterday and found out that You Suck!, a book that I read by Christopher Moore, is a sequel to Bloodsucking Fiends. This makes a whole lot of sense and explains many of the problems I had with the book. I wish it would have been made clear somewhere before I read it. Oh well.

Sex Sells...

just ask the makers of the Bowflex. Where do they find the people for their commercials? These genetic freaks do not exist in nature, I'm convinced they were conceived and exist only in the Bowflex laboratories. Anyway, the idea of sex appeal selling product is not new, but what about beliefs or ethical systems?

The picture above is the latest in PETA's "I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" campaign, which seems to be everywhere on the internet recently. The campaign was launched by a fading Pamela Anderson, but I guess that PETA thought that it was hypocritical to keep pimping that piece of leather anymore (or people were consistently horrified by what a freak she is) and have moved on to model Joanna Krupa.

Now, as much as I can get behind swimsuit model nudity this does beg the question of just how effective is this program? I'll be honest, other than making a normal male of the species want to fill Ms. Krupa's closet full of fur and leather, I cannot really fathom what this campaign wants people to know. Yes, the world isn't fair to animals in many ways, most importantly in the fact that many taste damn good with mashed potatoes. How they get to my table, as long as it is sanitary, is not really my concern.

PETA, however, takes things to ridiculous extremes. One of the primary arguments that PETA makes is the moral equivalence of humans and dogs and other animals. Sorry, I guess I am a specist, or whatever they want to label me, but I cannot accept that arguement. I am better than any cat could ever want to be.

I'm not advocating cruelty towards animals, but I'm not going to be a hypocrite about this either, as I am going to eat and wear animals when the mood strikes or feels appropriate. So to PETA, I guess that I thank you for an attractive ad, but ultimately you can take your philosophical position and shove it in some fur-dog's butt.

Book #7 - Kill Me

This book was fantastic. I really enjoyed the basic premise of the book, which was the idea that some people don't want to live a compromised life. The main character of the book is a wealthy business man who decides that he would rather die immediately than to linger on in any prolonged way. He is put in contact with a company offers that service.

This company, or Death Angels as the narrator describes them, establishes a baseline of what the client considers "living," and once circumstances arise where that threshold has been passed, they kill the client. The conflict of the book arises from the fact that although the narrator has enrolled in this program, and he is suffering an potentially fatal condition, he decides he doesn't want the services.

This was a really enjoyable read, and I look forward to reading more of White's work in the future.