I haven’t done this in a while, so this should be fun….
- Michael Douglas’s son is a meth dealer. Look, I can kinda understand people who live in trailers, wanting to escape the pain and drudgery of their pathetic existence by turning to meth and other drugs. I can only imagine the pain of living in a wildly successful acting family, living in the lap of luxury, and having a step-mother so hot she actually starts small fires. It must have been intolerable. Hopefully the justice system can help him deal with his demons and find his own path in life. As the Thursday regular in the shower glory hole.
- I was shocked to learn today that the British swear more than we do, and are more comfortable with it… those cunts (which apparently means something completely different in England).
- The Miss Universe pageant is this weekend. All I can say is that there are apparently forty or fifty countries filled with pathetic old people and their inbred cousins.
- Ass-ton Kutcher escaped a fiery death. Too bad. I guess another sacrifice to the gods is in order. Either that, or I wait for Keanu Reeves' imminent demise.
- Shakira came out this week talking about how women have animalistic urges, sexually. How she is finding her sexuality liberating and pleasurable. She used to dream about getting married and now she is more interested in procreation. I guess that explains her long-rumored sex tape of her with two guys. Good for her… I guess.
- I was flipping channels and came across The Whole Nine Yards. Natasha Henstridge was bringing it in that movie… it almost makes up for She Spies. Wait, that was the show with her and two other sexy convicts going undercover (usually in their underwear) to keep America safe? Forget that She Spies rules. . . it almost makes up for the fact she had to do a love scene with Jean-Claude Van Dam.
- There was a big story today about Lady GaGa’s penis. Good for her. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that it isn’t is big as Chyna’s. DO NOT GOOGLE JOANIE LAURER’S PENIS….THERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU CANNOT UNSEE!!!!!!!
- And finally, Billy Mays had a Michael Jackson-esque cocktail of drugs in his system when he died. I feel bad that I know about it, and quite frankly, I don’t care. Maybe that is the secret ingredient in Oxy-clean. I wonder if they will have to change the name. . . Oxycontin-Clean?