Wednesday, January 05, 2011

2011 Dead Pool Part 1: The Gary Coleman Division

I was inspired by Bill Simmons today as I was pondering my Dead Pool. He usually breaks up his NFL picks into divisions, usually named after notorious players or coaches.... So I am going to break my picks into two parts, the first is what I am calling the Gary Coleman (Under 50) Division. Here are my five under 50 year-old selections to expire sometime during 2011:

Todd Bridges: The last man standing as it were. He's been sober for a few years now and living the good life. Well, as good a life as one can live with a crippling crack addiction in ones past.... couple that with his memoir and his lovingly told tales of drugs and depravity (he really liked telling about the time him and his drug dealer buddies found crack-whores that they could violate with the handle of a Louisville Slugger.... He's a prince), that it just feels like the ghosts of Conrad Bain and Charlotte Rae will just haunt him into the grave this year.

What? Conrad and Charlotte are still alive? Who knew?

New Jersey Shore girl(Deena Nicole Cortese): Calling my shot here. If they are bringing this woman in to ramp up the crazy, then the only thing I can assume is that after her and the situation bang, is that Snookie and Angelina are going to butcher her like a hog while J-Wow and Ronnie line up some fat rails on her corpse.

Kevin Smith: What is a dead pool without a big fat guy? I'm not saying that Kevin has let himself go, but I heard that when they were thinking about planning the Star Wars sequels (movies 7-9) they asked Kevin if he wanted to play Jumbo the Hutt, you know Jabba's brother who is out for revenge. Kevin would have taken the part but Lucas didn't know how to work the Jumbo and a donkey footage into the green screen.

Megan Hauserman: I know, another reality whore, but c'mon. She was only saved from a brutal murder last year because of some dude's animation fetish, I figure between her spiral to strip-club irrelevance and the fact that she's looking for one last ride on the fame express that we'll read about her deep love of Bret Michaels in her suicide letter.

Vince Young: He's rich, entitled, and enabled.... and he just got fired. It is only going to be a matter of time before Vince gets in another strip-club confrontation ends in an OK Corral-style shoot out.


Renee said...

Has anyone told you yet that you made a fantastic list? Wish I had thought of some of these.

Anonymous said...

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