Wanted - Dead or Alive!

1.  Well Farrah's not dead yet, but can we give the lady a little dignity please?  Why do they keep referring to her illness as 'anal' cancer?  Is the term rectal too hard, or is that a different disease?  Either way, the branding of her illness is unfortunate and probably painfully embarrassing.  

2. Megan Fox wants to be taken seriously.  Why is that exactly?  Look princess, your job is to look pretty, okay?  You're not a good actress, your interviews consist primarily of your proclaimations of bi-sexuality and the time you dated a Russian stripper and your off-camera persona courts the paparazzi so blatantly that you are only one or two above Lindsay Lohan.  I get it, your sexuality is sooooooo impressive.  Except for the whole 90210 thing, which is quite frankly embarrassing.  So sit there, let Esquire take strangely unsexy videos of you and just wait for the bell letting you know that your 15 minutes are up.

3.  Lost.  What the hell was I thinking for five years????  When the show premiered, all I could think is that it was a mish-mash of Gilligan's Island and Castaway with some post-21st century angst thrown in.  Thankfully my sister-in-law showed me the error of my ways.  What a great show.  Now, how can we get to February 2010, like right now?

4.  Heather Mills is opening a vegan restaurant.  Wow, how original.  Is she going to serve Linda McCartney entrees?  Or just die and leave poor Paul an even bigger emotional cripple?  Oh, right he ditched her already.  I thought I was in a time loop...too much Lost.

5.  Holly Madison is joining a Vegas burlesque show.  I wonder if she is going to walk in and start channeling Darth Vader,  "The circle is now complete."  Oh well, I guess once you've slept with an octogenarian and Criss Angel, going back to the pole is a step up the career ladder.