Monday, March 09, 2009

Blonde Humiliation

1. Granny Snatch – AZCentral headline: Pamela Anderson Sexes Up Catwalk. Horrifying. Back in the early 90’s Pamela Anderson was pretty hot. Now, as we approaching the year 2010, Anderson is still showing off her mangled nipples as if there were still anyone on the planet who hasn’t seen them. Where did it all go wrong? The multiple sex tapes? The random marriages to rockers with hygine issues? Maybe it was when she married Rick Salomon to clear a large gambling debt? Either way, she’s now entered Madonna territory; a scary, dirty, nasty person left with the battered remains of her sexuality. What does she have left to keep the attention on her? Other than hepatitis and no gag reflex?

2. Paris Hilton – Apparently Paris was humiliated by her boyfriend at her birthday party. As if her life wasn’t a whirlwind of humiliation all of the time. She was 'singing' one of her songs on stage and her boyfriend took the mike from her and lip-synced along with the tune. Instead of attempting to sing, maybe Paris should stick to what she's good at: popping Valtrex and blowing degenerate gamblers (like Rick Salomon - is moving from Paris to Pam a move up/down/lateral or just dangerous from a medical standpoint?).

3. Tony Romo is not as stupid as we thought - Most people don't think too highly of Tony Romo's acumen. He comes across as a good ol' boy, but limited (if you know what I mean) most of the time, and since he's been dating Jessica Simpson I had always feared that they would get married and their offspring would be some kind of mutant. Either that or a super genius, but c'mon who would really believe that. Anyway, apparently Ms. Simpson is now fearful that Tony will never ask her to marry her. Gee, what was the first clue? The groupie in every city? The dictionary filled with multi-syllabic words? He's a starting quarterback in the NFL, he's not going to permanently attach himself to some backwoods wannabe with an overbearing father/manager, no matter what her rack looks like. He'll move on and poor Jessica will be all alone, getting calls from guys like Rick Salomon wanting to party. Nick Lachey is starting to look better and better, huh?


diane said...

#2-I think it is considered strictly a dangerous move, medically speaking. I have been to the doctor's office 2 times this week, so I am now a medical professional. You're welcome for the diagnosis.

Sheri_Beri said...

I don't know why #2 gives me such joy. It's hilarious that her boyfriend sold her ass out by taking over the mic. I love that story.

#1 scares me. It's like that photo of Madge that Diane had on her blog. Disgusting. Pamela needs to think of a plan as she's middle aged, and it's showing.

#3 is crazy. Don't they break up and get back together every other week. Seriously. WHO CARES?!?! Jessica needs to find a sugar daddy and retire already.