Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Current Event 5

1. “I’m on FIRE!!!” – This phrase is not just the chorus to a kick-ass classic Van Halen song, but apparently it is the lament of more and more Indian women. I read this week that women in India are 3 times more likely to die from fire than men, primarily because it is fairly common for the men there to get into a fight with their significant others, douse them in gasoline, and set them ablaze. I think this is a reflection on the study that was done a few years ago about why Indian men won’t use condoms, but that was a previous blog post. I think it just goes to show everyone that if you were woman born in the US, you hit the lottery.

2. Cat Bong – I guess that we should be grateful that Michael Phelps didn’t use his cat as a bong like the guy in Nebraska. Apparently his cat was out of control and he so tapped into his inner-Mengle, creating a box where the cat was forced to endure not just confinement, but marijuana smoke. There is a lot of talk about how horrible this was, and I agree, the box looked uncomfortable, but I want to know if it worked? I mean, was the cat calmer, or was he in a frenzy looking for some cookies? Really, don’t drink the bong water dude.

3. Math Dorks Unite! – I cannot believe that I wasn’t aware of this, but today is Square Root Day. Something about the multiplication of month and day equaling the year or some such stuff, either way it is a way for math nerds to take their mind off of paying for sex. (On a totally unrelated note, every time I type in the word ‘root’ the thing that pops into my head is the line from Karate Kid III where Myagi tells Daniel “You have long root like bonsai tree Daniel-san.” Tell me the Karate Kid movies weren’t about just getting some under-aged, gay ass).

4. Fuck L.A. – No, not jut a chant I learned by going to San Francisco Giant games when I was younger, this is for all of those who are annoyed by LA County’s proclamation for a curse-free week. I’m all for expanding your vocabulary, but you know that if people do participate they are going to be using all kinds of substitutes (frick, freak, you get the idea). Maybe this can be part of the stimulus package, no cursing for a week and you get a crisp $100 bill. It would garner more support for this week.

5. Criminal Justice Students – Apparently the Chandra Levy case was broken with an assist from a George Washington University’s criminal justice class. These classes enter into agreements with local law enforcement to review evidence and come up with conclusions that aid law enforcement agencies. As far as anyone could tell, the police were stymied. Then the class came up with a suspect, presented the evidence to the police and was thanked. No word until this past week that the police were about to make an arrest. Why don’t we just hire the students to be consultants? Maybe that could be another way for Sheriff Joe to spend some AZ taxpayer cash.


diane said...

I bet the cat was pissed that they stopped getting him high. That's not abuse-it's creative pet ownership. And very giving.

Anonymous said...

slum-dwelling/poor people in India use gasoline (in stoves) to cook. I think the problem is that gasoline is too readily available and if there's a fight, it gets used!!

You have to try hard to go find gasoline in a household in the US. So it has to be a really pre-meditated act to light someone ablaze. But for this, some of the wife-abuse statistics will probably convert to wife-burning statistics even here.

Irrespective, won't dispute the lottery remark.

Is this the "penis too small for condom" study you are talking about? If so, I can't make the connection between fires and the condom study


Homer said...

Yeah, it was a cheap shot at Indian men being angry about the results of that study.

So is the answer to the problem central heating? Or is there another, less facile answer?

diane said...

I say them burnt bitches probably deserved it. If they would just act right...

Anonymous said...

i was just trying to explain the statistics... not offer central heating as a solution. I wish there were an easy fix!

Maybe Hammurabi's code would work...Slow roast a few of the "wife burners" in public without letting them die and see if that changes the situation any?


Sheri_Beri said...

Well... I say F-Sheriff Joe!! lol Where's my $100??