Pics

It's totally cheesy, but I love these pictures.... I'll post more later.

Advertising Sucks

I'll start this little screed by explaining that I hate coffee. I don't like the taste of it and I don't really care for the smell, other than that it is fine. Anyway, there has been much contention over the past year about the McCafe concept that McDonald's is introducing due to the fact that it is killing Starbucks. I don't really care either way, but the ads are starting to get out of hand. Today I heard one radio ad describing how once this woman stopped drinking that hoity-toity Starbucks she was able to go back to reading gossip magazines and stop watching documentaries on television. Yeah, that whole learning thing is way over-rated. I hope the person who came up with these commercials trips and falls into a vortex the size of Jeremy Piven's ego.

On a side note, the above picture was taken at a McDonald's in Budapest, so I thought I'd include it. That and there was no scantily clad women in McDonald's outfits that I could find really fast. I'm sure there are sites out there catering to that fetish... and I am just as sure that I don't want to see it.

Mawwage...

Damn....I knew that weddings could ruin a couple of lives, but this story really hit home that an ill-planned marriage/wedding could really screw up the lives of innocent people with no connection to the event. I love the end of the story when they state that neither the bride nor groom were on the plane. Really? The bridal party wasn't in two places at once? What a shock. So what does this mean for the survivors of Oceanic 815?

ROME - A romantic wedding in the Tuscan countryside ended with injuries after an attempt to launch the bride's bouquet from a plane brought down the tiny aircraft.

Italian police say two people were hurt in the crash of the ultralight plane after the bridal bouquet they launched got caught in the aircraft's rear rotor.

The flowers blocked the engine, bringing the plane down by a youth hostel.

Police in the nearby town of Piombino said Tuesday the pilot was lightly injured in Saturday's crash, while the passenger who threw the bouquet had several broken bones.

The bride and groom were not aboard the plane.

EEEK!

The wife wasn't pleased to see this... although she is a fan of the girls next door, I'm not sure that extends to Jason canoodling with one of them. I feel for her, really Mrs. Wiseman has broken my heart the same way... but I'll forgive her.

Life Moves Along

Well, it has been a bit and quite frankly I needed to get the stench of death off of my blog. Marissa Miller is a good way to keep the principles of the blog moving along. Why is it she is in the new issue of British GQ? The American version has close ups of David Beckham's junk, I mean underwear ads. I don't understand it, but I'll just be grateful that the interwebz makes Marissa available to all. Anyway, expect the blog to pick up as I have nothing else to do.

Dead Celebrities (continued)

Just a couple of follow up points to all of the celebrity deaths from the past week:

1. Keeping your family out of the funeral is a dick move. Not as bad as trying to kill that family member, so maybe the relationship between Griffin and Ryan O'Neal is getting better.

2. Billy Mays funeral pictures were on the news tonight and the pall bearers were all dressed in blue shirts and khaki pants. I love it, but just highlights the fact that people need to not take themselves so seriously, even in a time of sadness. After watching the Pitchmen marathon on Discovery this week, I have to say Billy Mays seemed like a cool dude. Loved his Bently and his private plane, but a good guy. I would never buy anything from him, but he seemed genuine.

3. The Jackson family fiasco is getting out of hand. The family is now saying that they are not going to charge the public for going to the memorial for the fallen pedophile, I mean singer. I would literally rather take $25 and set it on fire than give it to those ghouls. Jermaine had better be careful, offering himself up like that. God just might take him up on that. We can all hope anyway.

So What is the Problem?

So a Washington teacher got in trouble this week:

YAKIMA, Wash. - A Washington kindergarten teacher who sent a 5-year-old student home with a bag of feces tucked in his backpack has been formally reprimanded.

A West Valley School District official warned teacher Sue Graham in a letter that similar behavior in the future will result in disciplinary action, including termination.

The boy's father had said his son arrived home in April with the plastic bag of feces and a note that read "This little turd was found on the floor in my room."

The boy was moved out of Graham's classroom after the incident.

The May letter was released Thursday in response to a public disclosure request from KIMA-TV. The district had previously said "appropriate action" was taken against the longtime teacher.

So what exactly is the problem? The kid needs to learn to shit in a toilet. People are so uptight these days...they need to remember, poop is funny!

Happy 233rd Birthday America!!

1. A Tea-bag Party!!! Yeah, I know that it sounds like a bad Ben Affleck/Kevin Smith story, but people around the country are banding together on Saturday to protest taxes and the direction of America by tea-bagging each other. I call that my normal Saturday night, and quite frankly I'm guessing it will be about as successful.

2. Bumper stickers and car art have really gotten out of hand. I saw one the other day talking about how body piercing had saved their life, with a nice cartoon depiction of Jesus being nailed to a cross. I really wish my beliefs and philosophies about life could be encapsulated by a pithy phrase and bitchin' picture. Now, I'm pretty sure that my conception of Jesus includes a sense of humor, but you know, some shit just isn't funny. I'm pretty sure that jackhole is going to get a whole new version of body piercing when he gets to Valhalla.

3. So I'm watchin' the television with the kids the other day and the newest Carl's Jr. commercial came on, you know the one with Audrina Partridge (or whatever her name is). It was the standard stuff, sexy girl eating meat, which really prompted the thought of how far is too far? I don't mind a girl in a bikini selling me a burger, but what about the kids? Should we be pushing the limit so far that we are going to need to have a birds and bees discussion based on fast food advertising? That isn't even talking about that new Burger King ad...

4. Apparently Paris Hilton went on Kathy Griffin's show and talked about how she doesn't believe in oral sex. “I never do that. My mom always taught me, ‘Only ugly girls need to go down on their knees and do things like that.’” With a straight face no less. I know that it violates the terms of Blogger use, but google search of Paris Hilton oral sex will provide you with approximately 301,000 images, many of them of Paris with a dick in her mouth. Which I guess proves that Paris' mother was right.

5. Finally, An Oklahoma woman was recently arrested for prostitution...but not for money, she was bartering sex for a case of Frito-Lay chips. This is good for a laugh, but it does raise a serious question: what are the odds that you could convince Lindsay Lohan to commit the same act for a case of Red Bull? I'm going out on a limb and guessing that it has already happened.

Dead Pool 2010

Due to the confusion relating to who won this year's Death Pool, here are the rules for next years (I like them because it leads to a whole year's worth of being a Ghoul).

1. Each participant must submit a list of 10 celebrities numbered from 1-10 by the deadline of December 31st, 2009.

Please post your list in this format. It makes for easier sorting and checking.

EXAMPLE LIST:

1. Celebrity #1
2. Celebrity #2
3. Celebrity #3
4. Celebrity #4
5. Celebrity #5
6. Celebrity #6
7. Celebrity #7
8. Celebrity #8
9. Celebrity #9
10. Celebrity #10


SCORING EXPLANATION:

1. Each pick this year is worth 100 points minus their age.
Example: If your pick dies at age 67, you will recieve 33 points. If they die at 33, you will recive 67 points.

2. The game will begin on January 1st, 2009, and end on December 31st, 2009.

3. The celebrity must have achieved their level of fame themselves. It's not enough to be related to a celebrity.

4. Executions don't count. People on death-row are not eligable at all.

5. They must be famous for something OTHER than the fact that they haven't died already. The individual has to have had some level of fame BEFORE they got old and/or sick.

6. Only real humans allowed. No fictional characters, no companies, no fads/concepts, no governments, no animals. How much clearer do I need to be?

Prizes will be ..

A twelve pack of Diet Coke(or whatever it is you drink) and the respect and admiration of your peers.

Hank Baskett is not Smart

Either Hank missed the memo about hitchin' up with someone who takes their clothes off for money, or he is a genius for recognizing the fact that he is a marginal football player and his wife's breasts are going to be his meal ticket. Either way, he obviously never watched The Girls Next Door. Kendra is about as smart as, I'd say a box of rocks but I don't want to insult the granite that didn't make it to my countertop. BTW, how are all of these people dying and Hef is still not taking the dirt nap?

Going to the Store

Right now either to buy some Kaboom!!! or some shoe polish to make my beard glossy and black. If I were in the entertainment business, I'd be very concerned right now...

Why???

Why must people keep taking her picture? I don't know who she is (other than her name, I could figure it out, but it would be wasting valuable internet time I could be spending following Kate Beckinsale on Twitter, she's a pistol) or why anyone cares. She's just a pathetic troll who is missing her bridge. Seriously, the girl can't be older than 23 and she looks like she is just waiting for the sweet release. Please make it stop, and tell Blossom we found her hat...

Wimbledon

So it is the end of June and that means that it is Wimbledon time...

The first time that I ever saw tennis on television was I believe the 1980 Wimbledon men's final where Borg beat McEnroe for his fifth consecutive singles title. Or maybe it was '81, either way it was amazing and I was hooked. I cannot play tennis for a damn, but I love to watch the majors when they are on. I was stunned when Nadal lost in the French last month and I was a bit sad when Sharapova lost in the early rounds this week but that doesn't mean that I won't be spending time in front of the television when NBC does its traditional Breakfast at Wimbledon broadcast. Good times, but I'm still not sure that I am a Roger Federer fan by any stretch. He seems kinda like a tool...

It is too bad that the state of American tennis is so bad right now, it kinda kills the fun, but like the wife always says, it is fun to watch someone who is really good at what they do. Now if they could just moderate the grunting...

Death. Mourning. Maybe.

It is always interesting to see how our culture reacts to the deaths of our celebrities. This week has been fascinating to me with the deaths of Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson. Each one of these people were clearly past their prime productive years as entertainers, each one well past any real success, but the reaction to each passing has been different.

I am most dismayed by the universal love that Michael Jackson is receiving. I understand that he was such a cultural icon in his youth. I lived through it. I watched the videos, I listened to the music, and I was also paying attention as his life slowly devolved into a freak-show of his own devising. From the chimps, to the amusement park he built for himself, to the ghastly plastic surgery nightmare that became his face, he became his own worst enemy. This doesn’t even address the child molestation situations. I have heard people try to downplay the allegations as opportunist parents and a parasitic media, and I have to agree that these people have their own part to play in this saga, but no one invented the ‘Jesus Juice,’ or the adult alarms in his bedroom. Yes, Michael was a victim of abuse from his father, and his situation should be a warning to all parents who push their children into show business (the Lohans, Spears, Caulkins, etc could have taken heed), but this doesn’t absolve him of his responsibility to those kids who were around him.

So rather than deify a man so deeply flawed, I’ll celebrate the other two, who were both undeniably less influential (and neither was perfect by any means), but infinitely more respectable. Farrah and Ed, I tip my cap to you, and move on with my day. Maybe I’ll read a book.

Hopeful

I know that I haven't been real active on this blog lately, but life has been crazy....

Just be warned that I am coming up on some free time: it could get ugly.

Damnit!

No one had Ed McMahon? We suck at this....

It's Socialism!!!!! Or at least 1984!

I hate when a government gets above itself and messes with stuff that it has no business messing with...

I know you're thinking I'm talking about Obama, but no, its those bastards in England messing with one of the cardinal rules of English, 'i before e, except after c.' It is bad enough that those lousy Limies (how would you pluralize Limey?) had to go and tax our stamps, now they are jacking with our grammar customs? The queen is rolling over in her grave.

I might have to protest by suspending all postings of Kate Beckinsale, her being British and all. Nah, never mind. I can't stay mad at you Kate.

When Michael Bay and Dreamworks Tried to Kill the Internet

1. The concept of the Transformers came from a line of kid’s toys. The concept of Megan Fox came out of millions of male fantasies. I’m sorry, but is this woman even human? I’m not sure I believe it. I’ve said it before, she may be dumber than a box of rocks (and in every interview she’s ever done she bears this out) but she is amazingly attractive. Hopefully the new Transformer movie isn’t as stupid as it could be.

2. So I’m browsing the net and came across this photo:

Now when I had heard that Phil Spector was accused of killing a woman and saw all of the accompanying photos, I believed it (because after OJ, you know LAPD isn’t going to arrest an entertainment figure without some good evidence), but thought that Spector was just some goofy old music dude who did something stupid. Then you start to read about what a sick bastard he was, and now you see his booking photo and you’re shocked that you haven’t read about him burying people in his cellar and eating their flesh. Dude is seriously whacked. I guess he’ll have to get by in the can without his bitchin’ hair.

3. Lauren Conrad wrote a book. WTF?!?!? I guess I’m just surprised that she even knows how to read, let alone write in her own slam book. Oh well, I guess if Kanye can write a book, I shouldn’t begrudge Ms. Conrad. Shouldn’t she be working off the deal she made with Satan rather than writing fiction? Although in her defense, she has had to work with Spencer and Heidi. Never mind, she has earned whatever she gets…

4. Kobe Bryant gets another crack at being Satan’s cabana boy. Only in America can a casual rapist reach the pinnacle of success in their chosen field. Maybe the Devil has better plans for him, but I can’t understand the love given to Kobe by the NBA and their officials. It sickens me.

5. Finally, in Guitar Hero: Van Halen, you can unlock a younger version of Eddie, Alex, and Dave along with Wolfgang dressed up in daddies 1984 tour get up. He’s still the same 18 year old Twinkie eater though. If I were going to delve into fantasy and play 1984 dress-up, I’d have the game programmers give me David Robinson’s body. I mean why the hell not?

She's Melting!

You know, once upon a time, Melanie Griffin was a recognizable human being.  That was, of course, before her current infatuation with plastic surgery.  So my question is this: what would she have looked like if she had just left herself alone?  I'm going to guess that she would look older, but one hell of a lot better than the mess above.  If this is how she looks all made up for the world, what the hell is Antonio Banderas waking up to?  Just a hot leathery mess...I guess.  I guess that's karma for leaving your wife for your co-star.  Ugh, I'm going to go scrub my eyes now.

Aaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!!! My Ears!

So I am driving around last night and it's kinda late, and I accidentally landed on a station playing Loveline.  How the hell is this collection of freaks that even the circus wouldn't take out on the road for fear of infecting the elephants still on the air?  When Adam Corolla thinks your schtick is played, you know it's time to go jump off of a cliff.  I wanted to lodge a complaint with the FCC, not for the explicit sexual discussion, but that the bounds of entertainment should contain something that is actually entertaining.  Dr. Drew should limit his practice to pathetic celebrities trying for a final payday, not those poor freaks with penis deformities who are looking for people who might be into that.  

Needless to say, it was a disturbing night.  That is all...